The Free Way To Refill Your Parenting Tank

You love your kids, and still, there are days you’d happily pack a bag and disappear for a week. That thought can feel scary or shameful, so we say nothing and keep pushing until we’re snapped, numb, or convinced we’re failing. I’m Flora McCormick, a licensed therapist and parenting coach, and I’m sharing the simplest, most reliable way I know to refill your parenting tank without a vacation, a bigger budget, or extra childcare.

The turning point is one honest question: what could I stop doing? So many of us are exhausted not only from what our kids need, but from what we add because it feels good to be needed. We unpack the “rescuer” pattern and why chasing control or perfectly compliant kids won’t create the relief you want. Instead, we practice sustainable parenting through boundaries, leadership, and skill-building that supports your child’s independence and your mental health.

You’ll hear concrete examples you can try today, from turning a snack request into a coaching moment to helping a child build bedtime coping tools like counting, progressive muscle relaxation, and comfort cues. We also use a memorable metaphor for boundaries: being a backpacker instead of a double packer, so you stop carrying what your kids can learn to carry themselves. If you want parenting that bridges gentle parenting and effective discipline, this is your permission slip to do less and feel stronger.

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Transcript

When You Want To Escape

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you caught yourself wishing you could just pack a bag and check out of parenthood for like a week, a month, a year, I don't know. Friend, if you have, you are not alone. Being especially in the middle of summer right now, I believe many folks are feeling drained. And I want to talk about how to refill your energy as a parent without needing to escape your family. Now, don't get me wrong, if you get the chance to have a weekend to yourself or a getaway with friends or your partner, do it. Absolutely. But if you don't have space for that, then I want to give you a tool today that actually is doable no matter how much money you have, no matter how many people you have around you to support you. It's a way to be able to refill your tank free of charge. And even if you feel a little bit in a desert without a lot of support around you. So let's dive in.

A Free Tool For More Energy

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and I'm so glad you're here. Okay, so there is a number one tool. So is there is one key, unmistakable, undeniable tool that makes it so that your tank can be refilled and it does not cost money, it does not require other people by watching your kids, but it does take an active shift. So before we get into that active shift, I want to talk about what it looks like and feels like when you're not doing this thing. When you are feeling empty and at the end of your rope, ready to just quit it all. I typically hear moms say things like, Oh, I was starting to question if I was even good at this. Was I cut out to be a mom? Am I ever gonna get the hang of the parenting? And I'm happy to say when this mom, Dawn, made the shift I'm gonna give you today, she came at the end of our work together and said, I feel like now I can do it. I feel like I can parent. To have a purpose and more direction for me and my husband instead of constantly winging it, uh, it's amazing. And we're seeing real change. Another mom in the midst of feeling very hopeless was named Jenny. And she said, Oh, I just feel like I want to tear my hair out. Like I love these human beings that I gave birth to, my two amazing girls. But there are a lot of times I don't like them. I don't like being a mom because I feel walked all over and exhausted, and nothing I've tried helps. At the end of our work together, Jenny said, I feel so empowered. Finally, I'm in charge. I figured out that I just hadn't had the right tools to step into my power as their mother. Did you catch the common thread? Neither of them suddenly got easier kids or quids kids that quote, listen. That's often what people are asking me for. How do I get my kids to listen? Then everything will be fine. Friend, that's not actually the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. What I'm gonna give you today is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. When we can do it, life feels better. We feel stronger as leaders in our household, and we feel lighter. So you may have thought that energy or

Why “Better Kids” Isn’t The Fix

SPEAKER_00 3:50

empowerment comes from controlling of the situation. You may have thought it comes from a spa day, a girls' weekend, someone coming in and taking all of the burdens off your plate. And both of those directions can feel tempting, but they're often not possible. We can't really control anyone but ourselves, and we cannot always, or maybe ever sometimes go on a spa day or a girls' weekend. So I want to give you a powerful tool, friend, that you can do that will change your ability to feel empowered, strong, and lighter in your role

One Question: What Can I Stop?

SPEAKER_00 4:32

of motherhood. And it's asking yourself this question: what could I stop doing? Because here's the tricky part. We're usually the ones creating this monster against ourselves because we like feeling needed. The things that overload our plate are usually the things that we add on there because we like feeling needed. Let's be honest, friends, right? It's not just about what they're asking, but that in our heart, if their kid says, Mommy, would you make those rice crispy treats for me? We're like, Yeah. Oh my gosh, I want to be the hero mom that looks so amazing to you and saves the day by making those rice krispies for you. So you say, Thanks, mom, you're the best mom ever. Or I want my child when they say, Oh, please, mommy, I just want you to lay next to me all the way until I fall asleep. That feels good in my heart because I like feeling needed. I like to feel like I can save the day or that I'm needed emotionally. But then at the same time, those are the exact things that lead me to feel burnt out and wanting to quit it all. Like, I cannot do this. Like, you do it, you do it until you're like, I cannot do it. And so, friend, my question to you today is where have you been possibly creating your own monster by overgiving just so that you can feel needed or that you're the rescuer, the saving the day.

Trade Rescuing For Coaching Kids

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Because being a loving mom doesn't have to be about those things. You can love your child and say, Oh, rice crispy treats are such a cool idea. Let's see how I can teach you to do that. So then today you're more a part of it. And tomorrow or next time you want to make them, you're totally able to do it yourself. I mean, rice krispies are one of my favorite examples because I found this recipe where you can make them. This is a total side note, but you can make them in the microwave. And I mean, it's like even probably a four-year-old could could make rice crispies on their own. Only hard part is taking the hot thing out of the microwave. But they could put all of marshmallows in and the butter, put it in the microwave, you start it for like two minutes, stir it all up, and pour in the rice crispies and they mix, mix, mix. That is literally it. So, how cool would that be if in that moment, instead of like, yes, I'm gonna save the day, we're like, ooh, yeah, let me teach you how you can be the hero in this moment, honey. Similarly, a child wanting you to lay next to them. Yeah, that can seem like it feels good to be emotionally needed, but what feels even better is equipping your child to meet their own emotional needs. And in the long run, that's what they really do need. Those struggle muscles of how to know. You know, I can count to a hundred, or I can do my progressive muscle relaxation that mommy taught me, or I can snuggle the stuffed animal that has mom's shirt on it that smells like her. I have ways I can remind myself of the love that my mom has for me without needing her to sit right here.

Double Packer Boundaries That Restore You

SPEAKER_00 7:49

And friend, this truly is about boundaries, about like realizing whether you're a packer or a double packer. I read this story once when I was working with adult women going back to college later in life. I worked in a program called Life Tracks, and it was just so great. Are you a backpacker or a double packer? Was the name of the story. And it talked about, you know, when you're a backpacker, you're carrying what's truly yours to carry. And for some of you, it may be much heavier than others, but then also some of us can fall into being a double packer where we're carrying the items of everyone else around us or others around us, might just be our kids, and that's enough to feel overloaded. So, friend, what could you say no to? What could you stop doing in terms of the other backpacks you're carrying? I picture that like stereotype mom or dad that you've seen, and I know you've all seen them going home from a park, and they have like the stroller and the bike. And guess what? The kid is also in their arms. So rather than riding the bike themselves or even being willing to be pushed in the stroller, which would be easier, they are pushing both the bike and the stroller and the kids still being held in the arms, carrying so much more. And that's what I think we do in a lot of different ways in our parenting. So, friend, I want to invite you right now in this moment to pause. Think, where have I been a double packer where I'm carrying things my kids could be carrying for themselves? And if I were to say no and to them asking me to carry those things, how much more full would my cup be? How many more minutes a day or week would I have back that I could spend making my favorite cup of tea or just pausing and watching the sunset, taking a deep breath. Or I could call a good friend and laugh for a moment. Boundaries allow that for us. Not being a double packer, letting go, looking for what could I stop doing. And I want you to think about how this doesn't mean you're not loving. One of my favorite quotes says, boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me at the same time. Hear that again. Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me at the same time. Isn't that beautiful? It's not about refusing love to them, but it's about also giving love to yourself. For me to say no to this thing gives me space to say yes to myself that I deserve to eat a hot meal. I deserve to be able to walk home comfortably without carrying a thousand things. I deserve a moment to finish the laundry while you do that special treat of making the rice crispies. And our kids are so much more capable than we often give them credit for.

Kids Are Capable With Practice

SPEAKER_00 11:11

So I'm gonna put a little note in our show notes about the tasks your kids could be doing independently for themselves. Because a lot of times we get like sidetracked. I was just with my brother and he was pointing out, like, oh my gosh, I just like your kids are doing so many different things for themselves that I haven't even thought my kids could be doing for themselves. And it and it this is just so common that we can think, really, could a five-year-old be making their own breakfast? Absolutely. Could an eight-year-old or 10-year-old be making the family dinner? Absolutely. If we took the time to coach them and picked something that was realistic, you know, I am just loving this summer with my 10 and 12-year-olds because they've been making their own lunch, cleaning up their own lunches while they're home when we're not at a camp. They have been getting out their own art supplies, cleaning up art supplies because we have practiced this again and again, how to redirect them back to like, thank you for wanting me to do that thing for you. And here's how I can coach you in doing it for yourself. And next time I'm gonna just turn you back to doing it for yourself. An empty parent has less patience, less joy, less creativity, less connection. So your boundaries are not selfish, they're non-negotiable, they're necessary, they're essential to the happiness of the family. They're one of the most generous things you can give your family because you are putting yourself first so that you could be in the mind and heart space to keep showing up as the best version of yourself. Some of the things I've heard moms say when they really step into this is like Emily said, gosh, I'm a mom. I don't have it all together. I have four kids, I am tired almost all the time. And yet I'm realizing that what I have is enough. Oh, that just like touches my heart. One boundary at a time, one moment at a time where we look for what else we can say no to.

Support, Coaching, And What’s Next

SPEAKER_00 13:13

Friend, if you need guidance and support in finding that truth in yourself, reach out. I'd love to work with you in parent coaching. That's the beauty of this work. It's not about just shoveling advice in your face, it's about guiding you in deeper knowing of yourself and your capabilities and maybe sprinkling a couple more tools in your tool belt along the way. All right, friends, wishing you a more fulfilling rest of your summer as you hold boundaries. You look for ways that you can shift into what you can say no to and how you can empower your child more and more so that parenting finally feels sustainable. Make sure you join us in the next episode as we're gonna talk about marriage and how we can find respite and improve our communication when we are fighting a lot about the kids. Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable parenting with Flora McCormick.