Sustainable Parenting | Positive Discipline for Raising Resilient Kids
For cycle-breaking parents who still face battles at bedtime and beyond, Sustainable Parenting teaches tools that actually change behavior when gentle parenting doesn't work.
If your 6-year-old ignores you, your toddler screams over a broken banana, and bedtime still ends in tears—it’s not you, it’s the gentle parenting advice that’s failing you.
Research shows 1 in 3 parents who try gentle parenting still end the day begging kids to listen and blaming themselves when the scripts don’t stop the tantrums. So unlike other podcasts that only tell you to “stay calm” or “validate feelings” while your toddler is throwing dinosaurs at your head, here you’ll get strategies to set limits kids respect without crushing their spirit so they grow into kind, confident humans, and you finally feel like the calm, in-control parent you want to be.
I’m Flora McCormick—a counselor, parenting coach, and mom of two. After 20 years helping families worldwide, I’ve helped thousands of parents raise confident kids while practicing parenting without yelling or shame. Parenting will always have hard moments, but raising respectful, emotionally healthy kids doesn’t have to be a constant battle.
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Popular Topics Include: Bedtime battles, Positive discipline, Gentle discipline, Gentle Parenting, Parenting differences, Discipline without yelling, Positive parenting strategies, Raising confident kids
Sustainable Parenting | Positive Discipline for Raising Resilient Kids
A Summer Without Screaming - With The Goldilocks Method
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Summer can be full of fun memories, but it can also bring more sibling squabbles, endless cries of "I'm bored," and days that feel longer than expected. If you're looking for a way to create a little more calm and connection this summer, this episode is for you.
In this episode, I'm sharing what I call the Goldilocks Method: finding the sweet spot between being too strict and too relaxed. When plans feel too big, it's hard to stay consistent. When there isn't enough structure, everyone can end up feeling frustrated. The goal is finding a balance that works for your family and feels sustainable.
You'll hear three simple tools that can make a big difference this summer:
- A boredom plan you can create with your kids before the complaints begin
- A sibling conflict "wheel of choices" that helps kids build problem-solving skills
- An easy strategy for souvenirs and snacks that can reduce begging and power struggles on family outings
I'll also point you back to Episode 63, where I share how to create clear agreements around things like toys, treats, technology, and daily routines.
If summer has you wondering how to bring a little more peace and predictability into your days, I hope this episode gives you some practical ideas you can start using right away.
And if you'd like extra support this season, join our Summer of Support program (starting June 15th): https://courses.sustainableparenting.com/courses/summer-of-support
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A Summer Without Screaming
Isn't it finally time you get a summer without screaming? Whether that's screaming from the kids or screaming yourself at frustration, I've got a secret for you today I call the Goldilocks trick. This trick will ensure that you can have siblings that aren't fighting, not feel overwhelmed, and actually enjoy the vacations you have planned. Let's get into it.
Gentle And Firm Parenting Balance
Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and I'm so glad you're here. So we're gonna delve into the Goldilocks method that really makes a dramatic shift in how your summer can involve less screaming.
A Family Win From Last Summer
First, I want to share a client win in this area of surviving summer without screaming. I'll never forget the family that came to me and said, I actually enjoyed our summer together. This is a couple who has a second grader who had regularly had behavior problems at school. And when school got out, the behavior problems didn't stop. They just were more in the hands of the parents, and they were miserable. They loved their child, but they weren't liking time with her. It felt like constant battles, always getting on the younger sibling. Emotionally, there were just blow up after blow up, emotional moment after emotional moment. And they found themselves just so depleted at the end of summer. And they worked with me for an entire school year, went through that next summer, and I loved when I heard from them in September. Flora, this was the first summer we really enjoyed our little boy and our little girl through the vacations we had together, through the weekends that we had at the house. It wasn't perfect. I'm not gonna pretend that, but it was enjoyable. We knew how to manage through things and the blow-ups were fewer, and she is taking on use of so many more skills, and it just was so black and white improved from last year. I hope for that for you too. And I hope today's tips give you a starting point. But if you need to delve in more, that's exactly what I do in one-on-one coaching. Reach out via the information in the bottom of this show description.
The Goldilocks Method Explained
Okay, so what is this Goldilocks method? We go too big or too small in our plans for responding to challenging behaviors and in our routines or chores or scheduling. What too big can look like is I remember a time two summers ago, my kids were eight and ten, and we needed to work on writing skills over the summer. And I'm like, okay, guys, we are gonna write one letter a day this summer. You are gonna practice, even if it's just a postcard, we're gonna write to someone in our family or friend group one a day. Guess how many I actually followed through with my kids on writing? Literally one. One the entire two and a half month summer. That was too big. That was unrealistic with traveling and other things going on. I just I did not have a way that I was really committed to following through on that. Secondly, I've gone too small. I've had times where I'm just like, okay, you're gonna be excited to have summer. Like, let's go. And we didn't really plan for what to do if things were not fun or if friends weren't around or if they were bored. And then I had them coming to me constantly, Mom, there's nothing to do. There's no one to play with. What do we do? Wanting me, me, me to rescue them. Or, you know, having flight fights blow up one after the other after the other. And similarly, when we've gone on trips, there have been times where we went too big. I remember a time we were traveling to a different town and we happened to have friends staying at the same hotel. And we said, Oh, let's plan as soon as we get there that we'll meet up at the pool. We did not calculate for the fact that it was going to be arriving around dinner time and then getting really late and like coordinating our schedules wasn't going to work. So we end up like sitting at this pool with hungry kids and the friends not there yet, and you know, mopey kids. And then my husband got so frustrated, he tried to be silly and like throw one of them in, and that kid just panicked and freaked out and was awful. We were expecting too much out of that night in vacation. Also, sometimes we've gone too small. We haven't thought through some options, like, you know, we just said, okay, let's go have fun at Disneyland. We're gonna have a blast. We didn't make any plans, and then they're begging us for souvenirs, they're begging us for snacks constantly, they're begging for this, this, this. And we were annoyed. So if you go too big, lofty big plans or too small, not making plans at all, those may be often the makings for things to go south. Can you relate, friend? Think back to your last frustrating camping trip, time with friends visiting, or somewhere that you went together, maybe boating. And what were the factors? Were there ways you went too big? Were there ways you went too small?
When Plans Are Too Big Or Small
So, in terms of not going too big, really make sure to think about that, like if you're expecting your kids to do five chores a day and to pick out a homework project once a day, that may be too much. And if that's so different and you're not prepared to follow through and you're just expecting them to do it great, then you're gonna probably struggle and be in bat battles with them and screaming matches even. So remember it's their time to take a little break as well, and take whatever those like lofty expectations might be and bring them down a notch. Now, in terms of not going too small, let's talk about that.
Boredom Plans Kids Help Create
Okay, so three key ways that you can do the Goldilocks method of not going too small. So, first, with boredom, the key place to make sure that you haven't gone too small is just expecting they're gonna figure it out. Instead, make a plan with your kids. Sit down, get out a piece of paper, make a list of as many things as they can possibly think of that could be fun and doable without needing you, and maybe other lists of things that are doable with you. Of course, depends on the kids' age. They might all involve you. But if you find that in the moment you're suggesting should we this, should we that, and you just get no, no, no, that typically is because you haven't involved them in the brainstorming. So that list could involve play-doh, slip and slide, putting out a sprinkler or turning on the sprinklers, being able to play cards, or you know, on and on. What are the ideas of what they could do if they're bored?
A Wheel Of Choices For Fights
Second key place we often go to small is sibling fights. If we're just like, you guys just get along with each other. That doesn't typically go very well. So make a plan. A wheel of choices is a wonderful strategy from positive discipline as a way to be able to talk with your kids about how to solve things if they're not getting along with one another. First of all, it it makes clear you're not gonna always get along with each other. Let's not pretend that you're always gonna want to play nicely with each other. But if something's not going well, what can you do besides just scream at your sibling or hit them or throw things? Well, those ideas, if you trace a plate and make spokes in the wheel, so it's like a pie chart, you then would have images the younger the kids are or words the older kids are, in order to represent how to solve a problem. That could be walk away, roll a dice, set a timer, use your I statements, or for younger kids, I call them bugs and wishes. And you can search in Spotify under the word bugs and wishes in this podcast list to be able to find that episode. There are many ideas there, but when we just don't think about how they're gonna solve a problem and expect just be nice, it doesn't go as well as when we really make a plan for how being nice and solving problems together is going to happen. So, first of all, how to be able to have ideas for boredom. Second, what are their wheel of choices ideas of how to solve problems with one another?
Vacation Budgets That Reduce Begging
And third of all, making sure we're clear on a trip, what we're willing to do and what we're not. So if you're going to Disneyland, we, you know, I recommend having a clear strategy. Like you've got a $20 budget for souvenirs and snacks, you decide are you gonna spend it all on snacks or you want to save some of it for souvenirs? Or heck, if you're really at Disneyland instead of a different place, it might have to be a $50 per day budget to be able to get anything of substance in terms of a souvenir andor snacks. So, whatever is feasible for you, if you are clear about that ahead of time, it's so cool to watch how kids will step up to that responsibility and learn how to choose between things instead of just being in an entitled space where you feel frustrated that they're just begging, begging. And this is where I get parents are like, I just feel like they're spoiled brats. Well, if we don't set up some parameters and empower them to make choices within them, then we probably are gonna get actions that look like they're spoiled and entitled. So we can set them up for more success and ourselves up for more success if we're willing to be clear like this is your budget. This is, you know, you can choose to spend it this way or that way. And then when you go in the souvenir store, you get to watch them go, well, I like that, but is that worth my whole budget? I don't know. And gosh, what a teachable
Agreements That Prevent Power Struggles
moment. And in addition to these three places of having agreements in advance, friend, I really recommend checking out episode 63, where I talk about how to make agreements around toys, tech, treats, and your morning and evening routine. Episode 63 really will help you in a few additional ways to do some thinking ahead of time so that you can put your energy into prevention and less energy down the road putting out fires. So the Goldilocks method is so key to having less screaming and more success this summer in terms of joy and ease.
Summer Of Support Coaching Option
And if you would like more support as you go into this summer, you wish you could have a space where you're getting guidance on your routines, having actual physical items that help kids solve problems with one another, or being able to know what the plans are for technology that week or how to go into vacation in a way that's going to lead to more joy and your kids being respectful and responsible. I have a support system for you this summer. We're offering the Summer of Support package where every Monday you get a 10-minute video from me that's recorded and a space where you can ask me questions anytime throughout the summer, and I'll give a direct response, or you can crowdsource with our other Summer of Support members that are in a private space only for those that subscribe. Check that out in our description below.
Bonus Tip And Next Week Teaser
A final note I want to make about this that is totally outside of the Goldilocks method, but just a little bonus for you. If you have a kid who, when they're going to um summer camp or to an activity without you, tends to melt down and not want to go, and that's what you end up having a screaming match over. Join me next week as I'm gonna give you the way to shift your kid from stinking, thinking, upsets, and anxiety into being able to do hard
Closing And Quick Sign Off
things. All right, friend, for now, I hope this Goldilocks method of making plans in advance and making sure they're not too lofty helps you have more joy and ease as you move into the summer ahead instead of getting wrapped up in yelling and screaming matches. Great to be with you, friends. See you next week. Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable parenting with Flora McCormick.