154. The “Let Them” Method That Stops Backtalk Fast and Builds Respectful Kids

Everyone’s talking about Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” philosophy… and honestly?

Parents might need it most. 👏

• Your child talks back.
•  They stomp upstairs.
•  They roll their eyes.
•  They grumble about the boundary.

And every part of you wants to jump in with:

“How DARE you talk to me like that?!”

…but what if the better move is:

Let them.

• Not because disrespect is okay.
• Not because we’re permissive.
• But because we stop trying to control what we can’t control—their words, their feelings, their frustration.

And we shift back to what we CAN control:

• Our tone.
• Our boundary.
• Our follow-through.
• Our calm.

Sometimes the most powerful positive parenting strategy is saying less.

• A simple “hmm.”
• A calm look.
• Walking away.
• Holding the line without feeding the fire.

That’s kind and firm parenting.

That’s how we stop power struggles with kids.

That’s how we discipline without yelling.

This week on the podcast, I’m sharing how the “Let Them” tool can completely change backtalk, sass, and disrespect in your home—and yes… I somehow learned part of this lesson from puppy school 😂🐶

Listen to the newest episode of Sustainable Parenting 🎧

Have you tried “Let Them” in parenting yet?

By the time you're done listening, you’ll know:
• How to respond when kids are rude or sassy without back-talking back

 • Why silence, calm, and fewer words often work better than lectures

 • How to stop power struggles with kids using Positive Discipline

 • The surprising lesson Flora learned from puppy school that changed everything

If gentle parenting has left you feeling walked on, this episode will help you find the middle ground—raising respectful, resilient kids with kindness and firmness at the same time.

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Transcript

Parenting Lessons From Animals

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Today, I want to tell you how the best parenting lessons can sometimes come from the animal kingdom. I was reminded of something that helps with back talk, rude comments, attitude, all those moments where you want to light into your kids with all of your snappy responses. Before we know it, we could be throwing our own fits louder than theirs. So, how is there a solution from the animal kingdom? I'm gonna tell you by the end of today's episode. Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's Sustainable Parent of the Week is Beverly, who sent me a personalized DM in Facebook saying the podcast has been so helpful for me lately. Something that you said yesterday just completely changed my evening. And I'm so glad to hear that, Beverly. And friends, if you have feedback about an episode, you can always leave that by going down to the bottom of the episode description and clicking on the fifth star and leaving a comment or reaching out to me via DM in Instagram or Facebook. I'm a real person. I love to hear from the real people in my audience. All right, friends. I was just with my sister over the weekend and my mom visiting the summer camp that I grew up going to called Westminster Woods. And I got into this conversation with my sister that then was reiterated again when I came home and went to puppy training class with our seven-month-old puppy Chloe, who's an adorable little golden doodle. And in both instances, the same concept was echoing, and I can't wait to share it with you today. It's called the let them method. Okay, so picture it. You're in the heat of the moment. Your kid is snapping at you like, no, I'm not going to empty the dishwasher. Why should I? I didn't agree to that. Or you say, hey, come on, your clothes are on the floor. And they're like, so. Or they just outright ignore or defy what you are asking them to do. And they're having a bossy or demanding tone. Today I want to invite you to let them, let them be bossy, be demanding, be snapping at you, be saying their rude remarks. And you might be pausing going, what, Flora? I thought this was a parenting podcast about sustainable strategies to have more joy and ease. That is not going to bring me more joy and ease. That does not feel like that's going to bring me into a relationship where I'm raising kids that are respectful and responsible. What are you talking about, Flora? I get it. I get it. Hear me out. The let them method is this. If they are going to choose to try an annoying and immature and ineffective strategy, let them and let it be ineffective in getting them what they want. See, the response they're looking for is thinking that will get under your skin or that will get you to argue with them and give them more power in the moment. They are wanting it to be effective in some sort of way, whether it's conscious or unconscious. Most of our kids, it's an unconscious thing, but they are doing it because they're trying to get something out of it. So when we change our mode of operation from how dare you, I'm gonna stop you. That is not how we treat people, and I'm gonna tell you why, and I'm gonna tell you your punishments. When we move out of that into a place of, okay, let them let them go for it, let them try, let them see how it's ineffective. Now that actually leads to our own joy and ease in parenting and to more respectful, responsible kids. Here's why. It's kind of like with what I learned in my dog training school that it when my dog Chloe is jumping up on me, what my gut instinct to do is to keep saying to her all the corrections. Hey, nope, down, girl, stop that. No, no, no. And guess what? She essentially is hearing. Oh, you're talking to me. Oh, you're looking at me. Oh, this must be what I should do more of. And so instead, we are taught when they're doing a behavior you don't want, you simply disengage. You literally, with a puppy, turn your back and wait a second or more, you turn back around. If they sit down, you engage, you give a treat, you give a response, you give a pet. And I know our kids are not animals, but we can learn from the animal kingdom because let's face it, we are mammals. We do respond to positive reinforcement. And so if we, when that child is being snappy and back talking, we we hold an attitude of, okay, let them, let them try and let them see that it's gonna be ineffective. It's like the stance with our puppy of, I'm not gonna say, Well, how dare you? I'm gonna say, Oh, you're testing and I'm gonna turn her away. I am gonna focus on my action that can prove your behavior is ineffective. And you know what's beautiful about this? You actually have control over that. I cannot physically force a dog to never jump up on me, but I can control my response every time she tries to do it. And guess what? That's how she's learning to stop jump. That's how she's learning to stop jumping, and the same is true with kids. I can think of a moment where a teenager was saying to his mom, oh, that's ridiculous. Oh, you're so stupid. And rather than engage, she just held silence, and she just looked straight back at him and held it and held it, and you could see the awareness turn on. The child's own brain went from a flippant just expression to oh, something's different here, and into, oh, that is not how I treat my mom. I gotta try again. And he said, Well, I just mean I don't want to do that. And the mom immediately changed from her frozen face to, oh, okay, yeah, let's talk about that. Like as though a switch had been turned off and on, just total disengagement in the moment of the back talk, a pause, holding a silence that had more that attitude of, mm, okay, let him go ahead and try that and see what he gets from it. Holding the no response that allowed him to see it was ineffective. Let them, let them learn. Let them learn through cause and effect. When I snap, I am ignored. And when I pivot my my wording, she engages with me. And that's all the lesson that needed to be taught. That was actually an exchange I watched happen between my sister and her teenage son. And it was so powerful. It's a reminder that we don't need to teach always through our words. In fact, if you've been around sustainable parenting here with me long, follow the advice that I get largely from positive discipline, you know that most often actions speak way louder than our words. It's certainly true in behavior and in teaching, respect, responsibility, kindness, generosity. We can think these concepts that are kind of rich in depth need more explanation to be learned. And really, they usually need more clear actions that help us learn them. We learn kindness when we see a parent model kindness in difficult moments, when we are encouraged to do a kind act for others and we get positive feedback from it. We learn respect through a cause and effect of when I am disrespectful, I get no return. It's ineffective. And when I am respectful, it is effective. That's it. Cut and dry. So today, my advice for you, friend, is to think of let them. The next time my kid is being just so inappropriate, I am gonna let them. I'm gonna let them try that out, and I am going to let them see that it doesn't work with me by walking away, holding silence, maybe a simple, hmm, just gazing at them with a knowing look, waiting till they shift and try a more appropriate response. I bet you will be shocked to see that our kids actually have it in them. We don't have to stuff in the knowledge, we can draw it out. Do you know that's the real root of education? Educare means to draw out. And so often we try to stuff in. This, my friends, is very in line with true education. Educare, draw out. I learned that from positive discipline. So my hope for you this week is to experiment with this concept. The next time your kid is snapping at you, being rude, disrespectful, back talking, let them. Let them try and let them see that it does not work. All right, friend, if you've been looking for guidance and more personalized support, you can always reach out to me through one of my services, a three-session bundle, or purchasing one of my short webinar replays. And those are all available in the show notes below. Until next time, I hope this is a week you can parent with kindness and firmness at the same time so that parenting finally, friends, finally, finally feels sustainable. Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable parenting with Flora McCormick.