152. The 2-Minute CPR Fix for Yelling at Your Kids

About to Yell? Try This 2-Minute Reset That Helps Calm, Confident Parents Stay Firm

Ever notice how yelling at your kids often happens right after you promised yourself you wouldn’t do it again?

You start calm… then repeat yourself… then repeat yourself again… and suddenly your voice is louder than you intended.

If you're wondering how to stop yelling at your kids, this episode offers a simple, practical reset you can use in the moment.

In this episode of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, parenting coach Flora McCormick shares a quick strategy called CPR that helps parents interrupt escalation before yelling happens — while still staying kind and firm.

You’ll learn how to recognize the signals that yelling is about to happen, how stepping away for even 30 seconds can reset the dynamic, and how small redirections can help kids cooperate without turning every moment into a power struggle.

If you're trying to practice calm parenting, reduce yelling, and raise respectful, resilient kids, this episode will give you a practical tool you can use today.

By the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• How to recognize the early warning signs that yelling is about to happen
 • A simple 2-minute reset that helps parents regain calm quickly
• Why walking away for a moment can actually improve cooperation
• How redirecting kids’ attention can reduce power struggles
• A practical positive discipline strategy for calmer mornings and transitions

If you want positive parenting strategies, gentle discipline tools, and ways to get kids to listen without yelling, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

From Yelling To Calm

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I used to be the mom screaming as I was rushing around the house. You know that kind of yelling, that kind that makes you feel terrible about yourself. Two seconds after it leaves your mouth, and you know it's not helping the situation either. What I'm about to share with you today changed that whole cycle completely for me. And I use this tool I call CPR almost every single day in my parenting with my 10 and 12 year olds, and have done so for years to get me out of yelling and into my more calm, confident self. And double bonus, it leads to more cooperation. Stick with me. I can't wait to share this same tool with you. Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. When you are parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time, you have dependable calm and resilience built in your child. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and I'm so glad you're here. What often happens is we're getting our kids ready for school or trying to leave so that we can get to the park for a play date, and they're horsing around or not listening, and you correct them, you correct them, you correct them, you say what needs to happen, you say why it needs to happen, you again say what needs to happen, you again say why it needs to happen, you start to threaten things that if they don't care about what you care about, then you're gonna take away things that they do care about, like their birthday, or their bike, or their big things that we know they care about, or their stuffy they fall asleep with. We can get into really threatening places. Man, one time I was so upset, I got into garnishing the tooth fairy money, and I will never forget that. I like took me till I was like, Well, you know what? I know the tooth fairy, and I can find get that money so that it'll pay for the gymnastics that you're refusing to go to, and you won't get any tooth money for the next five teeth. And it's like, oh my goodness, Flora, you have gone off the rails. Have you been there? Have you threatened something completely ridiculous and regretted it, or yelled and gotten so loud and ridiculous, you even catch yourself saying, you name to stop yelling, and realize the irony that you are also yelling? Yeah, I've been there. So I want to offer you three steps in a framework I call CPR that has been doable and something that brings relief and puts me more in my calm, confident self. And I hope it does the same for you. Let's break it down. First, the C of CPR is catch the moment. Now, that might sound super simple, but most parents have the hardest time with that first step because we're just going about life and we're just doing stuff and reacting, and we're not always very self-reflective and paying attention to our signs and signals that are going on to give us a hint that we're getting dysregulated. We're getting into our space where we're about to yell. So to catch the moment looks like learning to recognize your signals. For me, it's usually three things happening at once. I'm often repeating myself, my voice is getting louder, and I feel like I get in this tunnel vision. Like nothing else around me is really what I'm looking at. I'm like looking downward and my eyes are kind of darting from one thing to the next. I don't I don't know why, but that's where I get when I'm in my more flustered brain headed towards my lizard brain that's gonna be all fight, flight, or freeze. For you, it might be different. Maybe you move really fast when you're frustrated. Maybe you get a pit in your stomach or your cheeks get really hot. Maybe your chest tightens up. Maybe your jaw clenches. So the point is right now, in this non-pset moment, while you're just listening to a lovely parenting podcast, can you reflect and kind of get in your helicopter up above yourself and look back at those recent upset moments where you ended up yelling and take note of what was happening in your body so that those can start to be your kind of yellow flags to yourself. So that, okay, the next time I can tune into my cheeks being hot or my tunnel vision or the fact that I'm repeating myself, that's gonna be the signal of like the body bringing awareness to my brain to go, whoa, Flora, you're getting there, you're getting into that space where you're likely to yell. So name that signal for yourself right now so that in the moment you will be more likely to catch yourself in that spot. Number two is pee. C P. Within these two minutes, we're going to catch ourselves and then we're gonna pee practice what you preach. And I'm gonna explain what that means in just a moment after this quick break. Okay, here's the thing: we're constantly telling our kids, I've told this to you a thousand times, you know better than to be so annoying to your sister, you know better, right? But do we practice what we preach? We know better than yelling at our kids to get them to do something. We know that often doesn't work. So if we are asking our kids regularly to pause and walk away when they're upset or get help from a grown-up, can we also do that? Can we practice what we preach? That might look like pausing and just saying, I'm gonna come back in a minute. There's a moment so crystal clear in my mind where this worked so differently with my kids. I was rushing around the house. Caleb was saying this like weird, teasy, like nina nanna boo-boo, kind of like taunting song at his sister. And I was like, Come on, stop doing that. You're just trying to be difficult. You know you're upsetting her. We gotta get dressed, we got to get out of here. And the more I pushed, the more the silliness just kept going. And then I noticed and didn't yell, but instead took this moment to go, oh, I can't even. I'll I'll be back in a moment. Walked away. I mean, I can't say it was like, I am going to go calm myself down. No, it didn't look like that. It was more just like, I can't even, but at least I walked away and I was stunned with how much it really caught the moment for the kids. It was like, boom, their heads were like in looking in my direction. You could see their eyes get wide. Like when we really go in a different direction than what they expect, it catches them, right? You've probably experienced that. And they suddenly got silent, and I also got more silent because as I walked away, I took a breath and then came back about one minute later, I think is all that it took. And then I was like, okay, here's the deal, guys. And blah blah blah blah went about what I'm gonna say in a moment, and we got moving, we were laughing, it quickly moved forward. So I kind of stumbled upon really realizing how well this can work in moments I'm about to yell just by accident because I was so frustrated. But now it's something I go to more often because of seeing that success. So after you've caught yourself knowing you're getting in that spot you're about to yell, if there's any way you can practice what you preach and either walk away or get help from a grown-up, I forgot to say what that could look like is going to your partner and just asking for a hug. I need a hug. We talk often about the 30-second hug being a great skill to get our kids out of a funk or resistance or defiance. Guess what? Great for us too. Can we go to another grown-up for some co-regulation to get ourselves back in a spot so we can regulate and move forward with our kids? So, quick tip catch yourself, then practice what you preach, either walk away or get help from another grown-up. And then R is redirect. CPR, the quick two-minute fix. The R is instead of staying the same path, go a different path. Like, I've been trying to get this screw in the wall with a hammer, and I'm so pissed at this the screw for not going in. Like, maybe a different tool would work better. That's the kind of idea we want to have here. Instead of just coming back from the break or the hug that you got and repeating yourself for the 12th time, redirect could look like, okay, I keep repeating myself. Instead of talking more, I'm gonna act. I'm gonna redirect things to just say, guys, I'll be in the car and I'm leaving in five minutes and go sit your body in the car. Like that might not work with a one or two year old, but certainly can be effective with a six and eight-year-old. Or redirection might be, I've been serious, I've been demanding, like you guys, we gotta go. This is why, and here's the serious thing about it. Maybe I can redirect to playfulness. Let's cool it on the serious. They are just little kids. Of course they want to play, and I'm annoyed at the playfulness, but can I pivot that playfulness with my own, like, hey, you know what I was thinking is let's go, you know, do we want to go piggybacks or carrying to get into the car? Do we want to go to the bathtime right side up or upside down? Can I just change the trajectory from serious to playful? Or third option of redirection would be instead of just focusing on what I care about, can I turn it at all to what they care about? So if I've been saying, I need to get there, I'm gonna be late for work. Come on, you guys have to get out the door. Can I pivot to what matters to them? Like, hey, I can't wait to see if we're going to go on the swings first or the sandbox first when we get to the playground. Hey, do you guys want to bring an applesauce or a yogurt to eat in the car? Boom, their brain is on something that they're interested in and suddenly, oh yeah, can't wait to get in the car and have that snack. Or, you know, what are we gonna do tonight in story time? Are we reading the tractor book or the bird book? So instead of focusing on what I need, focusing on something that they care more about. Man, when I lean into that CPR process, it looks so different. And it really changed things specifically, I think, of that moment again with my son when I walked away and I took that break and then came back. I did not just repeat myself, I tried to redirect. And I remember in that particular moment, I said, Do you guys think I should wear this coat or this coat? And I'd grabbed the two kids' coats and silly, like put my arms in them. Of course, they both look like they did not work at all. Kind of back to if you remember the old like fat man in a little coat, they both started laughing, like, Mom, those are ours, and took them out of my hands. Next thing you know, we're walking downstairs. We are laughing hysterically as we got into the car and went on our way. So that's the solution, friend, to stop yelling at your kids and still be able to discipline effectively in that moment. You can use C P R. Catch yourself, know your body cues that are telling you you're about to yell. P practice what you preach, either walk away or get help from a grown-up. And R, see what you can do to redirect instead of continuing on the pathway that wasn't working. Can you pivot into something more playful or creative? So glad to have you here with me today. And I hope these tools help you to be parenting with that kindness and firmness that you truly desire, so that parenting is more sustainable and being your calm, confident self is more sustainable. Next week, we're gonna dive into how we discipline without lecturing, taking things away, or threatening to cancel Christmas. See you then, friend. Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable parenting with Flora McCormick.