3 Secrets to a Smooth Spring Break

Spring Break is supposed to be fun… so why does it so often turn into power struggles, sugar crashes, and exhausted parents snapping in hotel rooms?

If you’ve ever planned a family vacation hoping for connection and memory-making — and instead found yourself negotiating screen time, battling over treats, and managing endless meltdowns— this episode is for you.

In today’s conversation, I’m sharing 3 practical Positive Parenting strategies to help you create a smoother, calmer Spring Break without falling into chaos or becoming overly rigid.

We’re talking about the powerful shift from expecting the best (and feeling disappointed when kids melt down) to planning for the worst and hoping for the best — so you can stay steady, confident, and kind-and-firm when challenges show up.

Inside this episode:

• How to make clear agreements in advance (to stop power struggles before they start)
• The "Magic 5" (ie. the 5 most common vacation conflict areas) — and how to solve them.
• How to use those "carrots" (incentives) to your advantage — so you don't end up dragging your child out of a Starbucks or waterslide line, yelling or humiliated.

✨If you want:✨
✔️ Fewer meltdowns✨
✔️ More cooperation✨
✔️ And a Spring Break that feels connected instead of chaotic,✨

This episode will give you some of the best Positive Discipline tools to lead with kindness and firmness at the same time.  

Press play before you pack your bags.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Calming Tip Of The Week
• 1:52 Framing Spring Break With Realistic Expectations
• 3:44 Strategy One: Expect The Worst, Plan For It
• 7:35 Prepare Reset Plans And Honor Kids’ Limits
• 10:29 Strategy Two: Pre-Decide The Magic Five
• 14:20 Strategy Three: Use Carrots Without Entitlement

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Hey, today I want to talk to you about spring break and how I believe that when you assume the worst, you think about the magic five, and you focus on using carrots effectively, you can have a much smoother time on your vacation or staycation this year. Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. When you are parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time, you have dependable calm and resilience built in your child. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and I'm so glad you're here. First, I want to share a tip of the week from a client who shared, as we were brainstorming, something that really helped this past week for his son's meltdown to end so much faster. And what it was was that his son had a moment of upset and he had a deck of cards in his hand and started flipping one at a time, like into the space around him, making a mess. And dad zoomed out from immediate reaction of wanting to be like, that is making a mess, knock it off, and saw it for what it was actually a calming strategy that was distracting the sun and helping him to calm down. And he said, without even needing to say anything, after the sun had calmed down, he said, Don't worry, Dad, I'll get those carts. And he cleaned them up. So they had been a calming strategy for him that dad chose not to react to because it really wasn't harming anything. And it worked out so much better. I hope that has some impact on your week as you can apply it in some way to your family. Now let's talk spring break. If spring break's coming and you're feeling a mix of excitement, like, okay, I know I want it to be fun, I want it to be adventurous, I want it to make memories and have a special time that we're connecting to each other. We also then think to ourselves, but I don't want to just expect that it's gonna be perfect. I want to make sure I'm crafting ways that can ensure this time together has some ease to it. There's calm and not chaos, there's cooperation and not power struggles. We don't want meltdowns. And so let's be realistic and make plans for those things. Otherwise, we're gonna miss an important opportunity. So I'm gonna offer you three key strategies. The first is to expect the worst, the second is to think of the magic five, and the third is to use carrots to your advantage. All right, first one there is a big, big difference between expecting the best and hoping for the best, and those that expect the worst and then hope for the best. Here's what I mean. When families come back to me after spring break and say, it was not fun, we did not enjoy each other, we were having so many meltdowns and tantrums and power struggles over whether to buy this souvenir or whether we were buying cotton candy, and it was just like so more frustrating and filled with fights than fun. When we dig in, often what we uncover is that the parents had this primary assumption that because they were gonna go do something so special that they knew the kids were excited about, that the kids would be on their best behavior. Have you been in that place where you're like, yeah, we're gonna do something fun. So I'm like, yeah, it'll probably, they'll probably do great because they're excited about it. Then you got there, and what do you know? Even in the excitement, there was whining because they couldn't get a soda along with the other things you bought them from concessions, or they were complaining because you wouldn't agree to buy the$30 headband souvenir that you thought was ridiculous. So, friend, this isn't your child alone. I can tell you I see this in family after family. And so the difference is to prepare for the worst, not make that assumption error that because they're excited, they're gonna be on their best behavior, and instead say, because they're excited, actually, because they're excited and they're it's and say to yourself instead, yes, I know they're excited, but I also want to acknowledge this will be a packed day that requires a lot of energy out of us, a lot of decision making, a lot of walking. Yes, I also acknowledge that we'll be in new places and be having a lot of stimulation of either sound or activities. And so, of course, all of those are likely to bring up some possible struggles and challenges. When we name that likelihood, we go in with a different assumption. We assume the worst is likely to come up, we assume battles are likely, we assume exhaustion uh is likely, then we can prepare for those things. And when we've planned and expected and then prepared, it tends to go better. What are some possible important agreements in advance? First and foremost, if you are using a reset process or some sort of agreement where if your child needs to hit harm and scream, you're letting them take space to do that. If you want more ideas on that, by the way, check out episode 37 where I really break down how you can start that practice in a really loving, kind, and firm way. If you're doing something like that in your home, make sure that you talk with your kids about how that's still gonna be your practice on vacation. Like just so you know, while we're at grandma's house, this is the room we can go to if we need some space to calm down, or while we're at the beach, this is the bench we might take a break on if we need to, or hey, even if we're at the zoo, we are going to pause wherever we are if we need to. If we're getting into an argument and we need to just kind of take a beat so we're back to our wise wonderful self and moving forward. So agree on that in advance that you are prepared to follow through in that way. Explaining that to kids really, I find helps then them feel that sense of security, that you have a plan and that they aren't going to be able to just, you know, scream and have you be embarrassed or frustrated because you're in a certain place and you're not gonna follow through. Lastly, I would think about really working into your day some spaces for who you know your child to really be and not who you wish they were. Meaning, I remember when we went to Disneyland two years ago, I wished I had the kind of kids who would be flexible and able to stay up till like 10 o'clock at night so we could go to the cool evening light parade. But the fact of the matter is that's just not my kids. My two kids really need their sleep, really love their sleep, and especially after a long day, if they are tired, like they just cannot be their best selves. So I didn't push for us to go to the light parade because if I had done so, I would have just been setting all of us up to have chaos. So that's a assuming the worst. Assume the worst is likely to happen and make a plan for it. Secondly, pre-decide about the magic five. I find that the most common places that we get in battles with our kids at home and actually then especially on vacation are toys, tech treats, morning and evening. Meaning let's decide in advance what our plan is for toys, tech treats, morning and evening. Toys, that would be are we buying souvenirs or not? Do you have a budget? Do you not? Tech would be are we having an iPad in the airplane or are we not? Are we bringing it and having it available each morning or are we not? Are we taking it with us to be looking at it all while we're on lines or are we not? Third of all, treats. Are we going to buy any snack at any time that you're hungry, or are we packing our own lunch or packing our own snacks? Morning, are we going to sleep in as late as we want, or we're gonna be waking you up early and getting moving and hitting the pavement fast? Evening, are we staying up late and doing the light parade, or are we gonna be in bed and doing our normal rhythm of bedtime just like we do at home? Toys, tech, treats, morning and evening. If we do not have agreements in advance about what our plans are in those areas, that's where we tend to have the power struggles, right? That's where the kids are begging us, can I have this? Can I have that? And we're like, why did you ask? And we say yes sometimes, and then we're frustrated that we already said yes more than we wanted to. So then we lash out and we're like mad at them when we finally do say no, but it's really not their fault because they're just going on the pathway that was working for them. We were saying yes. They don't know our internal like measure. So if we say yes, yes, yes, and then no, why do you keep asking? That's commonly the result if we haven't made an agreement in advance. Same thing with tech, you know, they're if they get it on the plane, then they may start having an assumption that it's theirs to be able to pull out whenever they want. So let's explain in advance. These are areas that really help us if we predecide on those magic five toys, tech, treats, morning and evening. And if you want to know more about how to handle those five common problem areas, check out episode 111, where I addressed it about how we can talk of those things during summer break, but it's the same for spring break, friends. So we've talked about how to expect the worst, how to think of the magic five, and lastly, carrots. Use carrots to your advantage advantage means that if you know that they are wanting to have that$20 souvenir that you're agreeing on, use those special opportunities throughout your vacation to be the carrot for their best behavior. So don't assume that just because you're on vacation, they're entitled to get all of those things without any responsibility in their behavior. Remember the equation that privilege without responsibility equals entitlement. If you just give them the treats, give them the snacks, no matter how rudely they're speaking to you or things they're demanding of you, they're gonna do that more. They are going to be behaving as entitled kids because we're allowing them to be entitled with breaking that equation. So instead, if we want kids that feel respectful and grateful for the things we're offering them, use those carrots as clear connections to their respectful, responsible behavior. So, what does that look like? Like, let's be clear in advance as we're getting ready for this trip. Those times today that I'm asking you to be flexible or I'm asking you to be helpful are gonna be moments where I'm noticing if you are earning that whatever X thing. Like if you that will be showing me that you're in a space to have the hour at the pool at the end of the day. Or that will be the space that's showing me that it seems okay to have extra ice cream after dinner, more sugar on top of what we've already done today. So use those carrots to connect to not just quote good behavior. Kids often don't know what that means. Be specific, flexible, helpful, and really responding and being a team player with the things that we're doing together as a family. Those kind of things tend to mean more to our kids. All right, friend. Assuming the worst and planning for it, thinking of those magic five and making agreements in advance, and then using the carrots to your advantage. I really hope if you do this, these things in advance, you'll be in that space that we often talk about here in sustainable parenting, which is that you've put that effort into prevention so that you have less energy needed towards putting out fires during your trip. I often see this correlate so much. We put in more energy in the prevention, it leads to less energy spent on putting out fires. And isn't that what we all want in our spring break? It's to not have to put out fires and waste our energy while we're in this space where we're otherwise looking for connection and adventure and renewed relationship with our loved ones. And can I ask a favor of you? If this has been meaningful, please share it with a friend by clicking the three dots in the top of the episode and clicking share, and then pass that on via text to a friend or family member who could use this in order to have more ease in their upcoming spring break. And join me next week as we're gonna talk about my top tip to tame that sassy little sister that may be ruling the roost in your household. Until then, I hope these tools help you be more kind and firm at the same time so parenting finally feels sustainable. See you next time. Friend, if you'd like to leave a review to share how sustainable parenting has been impacting your life, I would be so grateful. Also be sure you you subscribe to the podcast so that you regularly get the downloads each week and don't miss a single tool and strategy to be parenting with more kindness and firmness at the same time so parenting finally feels sustainable. Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable parenting with Flora McClormick.