Sustainable Parenting | Positive Discipline for Raising Resilient Kids

142. How Minimalism Frees Parents and Kids: A Parenting Discussion with Joshua Becker on Calm, Simplified Family Life

• Flora McCormick, LCPC, Parenting Coach

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What if owning less could help you parent with more calm, confidence, and connection?

In this episode of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, Flora McCormick sits down with Joshua Becker of Simplify Magazine to explore how minimalism supports dependable calm, and deeper relationships with ourselves and our kids. 

We talk about how clutter quietly fuels stress, power struggles, and yelling — and how simplifying your home can become one of the most effective positive parenting strategies for more calm in your home life. Joshua shares practical ways to set visible boundaries kids can understand, why parents go first, and how fewer toys often lead to better listening, deeper play, and more cooperation.

This conversation also challenges the idea that “more” creates a better childhood. Instead, we explore how minimalism helps families align time, money, and energy with their values — raising resilient kids, and raising confident kids.

In this episode we discuss:

  • Minimalism as a positive parenting strategy.
  • Parenting benefits when you have environmental calm.
  • How LESS is definitely more, in terms of raising resilient and confident kids.

**Joshua Becker is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author, entrepreneur, and Christian minimalist who writes and speaks about intentional living and simplifying life through his popular blog, Becoming Minimalist, inspiring millions to own less and live more purposefully, focusing on values over possessions, and is also the founder of The Hope Effect for orphans. 

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SPEAKER_01:

So honored today to have Joshua Becker with us. He's a writer, creator, entrepreneur at Becoming Minimalist, and the founder of The Hope Effect, which changes the way the world cares for orphans. He's the creator of Simplify Magazine, Simplify Money Magazine, and the clutter-free app. So we are so honored to have you here in your becoming minimalist community. Share about wanting to help people have ways to live with simplicity and intention every single day. So welcome and would love to hear what advice you would have in that vein for parents. Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and I'm so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_02:

The first question I hear when I speak to a lot of like moms groups about minimalism and owning less and decluttering, the first question they ask is, How do I help my kids get rid of all their stuff? And I always think the first most important thing is that we need to go first as parents. Like we legitimately need to do our own decluttering. And it's almost unfair to make my kids go through all of their toys if I have a garage that I can't park in, if I have a basement full of things, if I have a kitchen that I can't use because of all the stuff. Like I really need to do the work myself and set that example before I even uh get to the point of talking to my kids about some of their things. I was introduced to minimalism when I was in my 30s. Um, we had two kids at the time. My son Salem was five, and my daughter Alexa was two. And uh we had just collected, as most Americans do, uh, a lot of stuff, uh, ever-increasing house sizes and filled it up with more and more things. And um, actually, when I was cleaning out my garage on a Saturday morning, when I could have been playing with my son, uh, is when my neighbor introduced me to minimalism and intentionally owning less. And for me, it was the connection between how all the things I owned in that moment, just spending hours cleaning out the garage instead of playing catch with my son in the backyard, like just helped me notice how all the things I owned uh were actually taking me away from the thing that I most wanted to be doing with my life. So it started our journey of um minimalism and and finding it.

SPEAKER_01:

How do you differentiate what you m think it helps you in parenting and I can't let go of that versus this is just cluttering me and causing me overwhelm, busyness?

SPEAKER_02:

Um Yeah, uh probably two answers to that. The the idea was simple, uh, the execution was difficult. Um, like it was like literally it was I had a garage, I had my driveway full of dirty, dusty things I'd pull in out of the garage after the winter, and my son was alone on the swing set in the backyard. And like in that moment, that it was definitely a light bulb moment of you're right, all the things I own are taking me away from the thing that I I actually love the most. Um, how do you apply that and how do you live that out in your home? Then it becomes much more difficult and uh takes much more time than that, than that moment. Fortunately, my my wife was on board. Um, like we both could see how the things that we owned were taking us away from the life that we wanted. And so I had support there. Um, but I I discovered that it was as much a physical journey, like a physical task of getting rid of things as it was emotional and mental, and not just like I'm really emotionally attached to this item. But at one point I was like just laboring over like one of the rooms and trying to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. And I went to the blog and just made a little comment about how much thought and strategy was going into this. And someone left a comment on my article. Uh, the guy's name was Dustin. I still remember it to this day, 17 years later. And he said, It seems to me like minimalism would force questions of values upon you. And I said, that is exactly what is going on. I can't decide what to get rid of until I know what I want to keep. And I can't decide what I want to keep until I know what I want my life to be about and what I want my life to be focused on. And so those questions are good and helpful because I think it helps provide clarity and and in turn intentionality in how we live. Um, but it yeah, it took us months. I mean, it took us three months to go through the lived-in areas of our home, took us nine months to go counting the garage and the basement. Three years later, we moved into a smaller home and got rid of even more stuff. Um, but I think all those questions help um really help clarify what's important. Um uh what brings me life, uh, what brings me joy, and what are all the things that are actually distracting me from it?

SPEAKER_01:

Love that. So, yeah, where did that go from there then in terms of how it trickled down to your family?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, what we did is we defined physical boundaries as best we possibly could. So my son had a whole room full of toys. And we said, okay, you can keep whatever toys you want as long as they fit against this wall. It wasn't like a whole room into one little toy box. It was like against this wall. You decide what you want to keep, what you want to play with, like empowering them to make those decisions. And they could even like see it. I think, okay, I can keep this, but that means I'd have to get rid of something else. Um, and so like setting those boundaries. And I found that it worked so many times over and over and over again as my daughter got older. Okay, you can have as whatever clothes you want, they just have to fit in this closet. You can keep whatever arts and crafts you want, they just have to fit in this plastic bin that goes under the couch. You can collect anything you want, it just has to fit in this one drawer. Um, and when things begin to overflow, we're like, okay, it's time to go back through the closet, time to go through your arts and crafts stuff, time to go through your collections and decide what to keep and decide what to get rid of. So I um we found that sporting goods stuff has to fit on the shelves in the garage for my son. And it just worked over and uh over again.

SPEAKER_01:

And I love that concreteness. Like, yeah, that really like makes sense and keeps it simple, which I know is your vibe. Um, I I'm sure I'm so glad your kids didn't have trouble. I've known some clients that do have kids that seem like that, but that gum wrapper really mattered to me and every tiny thing. And and I'm guessing some of that is the potential of parent modeling. And so if you're not modeling that, that may be one reason. Do you have any thoughts about other ways to respond to that if you are seeing a child cling and be unable to let go?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you're the professional, so you could maybe help a little bit more. Uh, I my parenting theory, like my thinking is that yeah, this might be difficult for our child, but like our kids can do hard things, our kids can do difficult things. And even more than that, that this is a skill that they really do need to learn. All of life is what am I gonna put inside the boundaries of my life? Like, what am I gonna spend my money on? What am I gonna do with my time? How am I gonna spend my days and my energy? And all of life is about learning, okay, this is important and this isn't. Um, and I think that starting with toys, the collections, the the gum wrapper, the shoes, like, okay, this is what life looks like. There's boundaries. Um I just think if if we don't teach our kids how to set boundaries and how to live inside of them, then they're gonna become adults who don't know how to do that. And I think that that's when the trouble really, really comes in. So practical ways to do that. Um I uh I'm not entirely sure. Maybe you have some good ideas on that. Um, but I I think that it's something that we um that we really want our our kids to learn. Um and we figure out how to do it. There's a lot of, you know, like you'll know this. I mean, a lot of studies that fewer toys are better for our kids than a lot of toys. Like oh my gosh, you know, fewer toys bring about better play and more imagination and even sharing better. And um, you know, like society will just say as many toys as you can possibly get, but in reality, fewer toys are better for my kids. And society might say your kids should be it needs to be involved in anything and everything, and your family needs to be running all the time. You're like, no, I I actually think dinner with the family scientifically studies show like having dinner together as a family produces better, well-adjusted kids than being involved in something every night of the week.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. I and I saw that I was a stay-at-home mom when my kids were really little. Time after time, when I would notice irritability, not playing with things, seeming bored. If I got rid of half the toys and just put them in a closet, maybe I want to pull them out on a rainy day, a thing there'd be this amazing shift in my child, whether they were one or four. I saw it again and again and again of just like ease. And then it was so nice for me because then I also got ease of like, ah, that means I'm sitting on the couch actually getting a drink, a cup of coffee while this child is engaged more because there's less. It's so opposite our cultural messaging that less can be more.

SPEAKER_02:

It's easier to see it in our kids sometimes than it is to see in ourselves. But I I yeah like the studies will say, like the research will tell you, that cluttered does the same things to us as as well. And um, a cluttered kitchen, we eat less healthy, a cluttered bedroom, and we don't sleep as well, a cluttered home, and we become more irritable and stressful um and anxious as opposed to a cleared space where um we have just what we need and uh life is focused on rest and calm and um finding joy in other places.

SPEAKER_01:

Totally. What else besides the stuff do you find brings more joy and ease in parenthood in the vein of intentional minimalism?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I think there is a lot of joy that we find in life when we know we are focusing ourselves on things that matter. Um, and I I don't know how to, I hope I can explain this well, but I like I think we can all picture it when we when we're spending our money buying things we don't need, uh, when we're spending time taking care of things that we don't need, when like a lot of mental energy is going into, oh, I wish I had the bigger house, I wish I had the the nicer car or the newer fashion or the latest technology, right? Like, like we start chasing all these things. And I think deep in our heart and in our soul and in our mind, we know that there are more important things that we should be spending our lives on. Uh, certainly in this season of life where we're parenting, that our children need us to be intentional and focused on them and raising the best human beings that we that we can. And so I think for me, a part of, and for other people, minimalism, intentionally owning less is about taking back some of that control. Um, it's about being intentional in how I spend my time and money. And when I know I'm focused on those things that that matter, um, there's just a a joy that comes in it, like a like a I'm I'm content with how I'm living my life because I know I'm living it for the right things, uh, which was definitely a unforeseen benefit of minimalism in my life. I thought I was just gonna own less stuff and it was gonna be easier to to clean and I'd save some money along the way. And uh lo and behold, I I find the a whole new lifestyle of uh directing my days towards um things that bring real joy and meaning into my life.

SPEAKER_01:

It sounds like you're you're bringing out this vein of I don't know, the what's coming to mind is the radical acceptance idea. Like, can I just be where I am? It is what it is, and and pull away from that consumerism of wanting more.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Uh yeah, I think that's a great way to talk about it. It's um I the way I say it is owning less is great, but wanting less is even better. Like it's it's a little bit like um you go on a diet and you lose 15 pounds, but if you don't change your eating habits going forward, they you just put them back on again. And I think a lot of people declutter in the same way. They declutter, but they don't change their spending habits or consumerist habits, it just fills back up again. Um, but the the real the like the greatest potential and opportunity comes into our life when we uh own less stuff and we can see how it improves our life in practical ways and we want uh want to stay there. Um not not want to not work, not want to not provide for our family, not want to not be like the best version of ourselves that we can be. Right. Um, I think that we still work hard and we still try to be the best people that we can be and accomplish as much good as we can into the world. Um it's just that my my goal for doing that isn't a bigger house and a nicer neighborhood all the time. There's um uh different things that motivate me.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, thank you so much for these thoughts around minimalism. Um, in closing, I will definitely be sharing how folks can connect to subscribe to your magazine um or your community that supports people really cheap making these changes in their lives in a tangible, supported way. Um, anything else you'd like to share with our audience?

SPEAKER_02:

Grateful for the opportunity and hope people are um blessed and encouraged and um find some inspiration today. Thank you for the good work that you're doing.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable parenting with Flora McCormick.