Sustainable Parenting | The kind and firm solution for resilient kids and dependable calm.

137. Is Gentle parenting wrecking your holidays? Holiday Meltdowns, Real Solutions

• Flora McCormick, LCPC, Parenting Coach

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This week I’m diving into a spicy truth:
 Gentle parenting may be wrecking your holidays. 

Not because you weren’t patient enough…
 Not because you didn’t validate enough…
 But because the version of Gentle Parenting most parents try to use during holidays simply doesn’t work.

In this episode, I break down why your Positive Parenting Strategies fell apart the minute your child got overwhelmed, overstimulated, or embarrassed — and why you ended up walking on eggshells while still dealing with tantrums, arguments, hoarding, sibling fights, or shame-spirals.

I’ll share real stories from recent client sessions, including:

• A child who hoarded toys from cousins and melted down when gently “reasoned with”

You’ll hear how Sustainable Parenting blends Kind and Firm Parenting — boundaries, leadership, AND warmth — so your kids finally relax, cooperate, and feel safe.

If you want Raising Resilient Kids, Raising Confident Kids, and Parenting Without Yelling, this episode will help you discover the missing link that gentle parenting didn’t teach you.

Join me as we rebuild your parenting toolbox with dependable calm… and a plan that actually helps your kids listen — even during the holidays.

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SPEAKER_01:

Hey friend, was your Thanksgiving a bit of a dumpster fire? In-laws judging you, your toddler having a tantrum, your seven-year-old refusing to eat, embarrassment in front of friends and family. All while you are just trying to relax and enjoy some time off of work. Let's talk about what is happening in your life, friend. Because I feel like you may be a bit of a frog in a pot that has been boiling so slowly and so long that you've lost track of realizing that this is a pot you could jump out of. And I would love to get you out of this suffering and struggle and do it before the holidays of uh and do it before more holidays ahead. Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. When you are parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time, ugh, parenting finally feels sustainable. You have dependable calm and resilience built in your child. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and mom of two. And I'm so glad you're here. First of all, let's be real. Holidays and time with family, extended family can be a perfect storm for your kid to be overwhelmed, for you to be overwhelmed, and everyone to not be in their like best self, right? We have disrupted routines, sensory stimulation that is just so overwhelming. There's sugar everywhere, there's a house full of people, all with different opinions about how your child should be talked to when they are not listening or they aren't eating. So many different expectations. So then you add the pressure of everything you're trying to do, right? With gentle parenting, staying calm, validating their feelings, giving choices, explaining, redirecting, reasoning with them. And I bet you were exhausted. One dad in a recent session even told me that over Thanksgiving, he tried so hard to stay patient. His son was hoarding toys from the cousins, melting down when asked to share, denied taking anything, and then escalated anytime another child took, looked at his stuff in the wrong way. He said, I kept validating and explaining, but the more gentle I got, the more defensive he got. This is exactly how gentle parenting backfires during the holidays. Kids don't need more words. They don't need more explanation. Frankly, I don't think they need more validating. Wait a minute, Flora, you're a therapist. You're an attachment therapist. You care about kindness and firmness at the same time, don't you? Absolutely, friend. But what I think that is missing is that we forget that we need more strategies for everyone to have dependable calm. And it's not more validation, it's not more talking. All of that is what I call the error of neck up parenting. And that's where I think you're in this pot that's been boiling so long and so slowly that you've lost sight of the fact that it's about to cook you and you've forgotten you can jump out. You may have gotten wrapped up in neck up parenting, which means we're doing everything mostly verbal. We're talking, we're negotiating, we're debating with our child. And meanwhile, inside, we are boiling, we are frustrated, we are like, oh, I'm trying so hard to be patient, and this makes me want to strangle you, child that I love so much. If you are ready to be able to stop boiling in this pot and to stop being in this really painful place where your in-laws are judging you, and your kid is kind of being a terror to cousins, siblings, and you, frankly, this is one I want to invite you to today. I want to invite you to step into your leadership and your embodiment. If we're gonna get away from neck up parenting, that means neck down parenting in our body, in our when I think of leadership, it's like in my gut, in my soul. One of the things I'm seeing a lot as I work with parents in coaching, especially in the last two weeks, is a lack of trusting ourselves. Like I feel like I just want to walk away from him, but I stay there, I keep talking. I'm like, no, you're missing that. That's a very key sign in your heart, in your gut, in your core, that's that's nudging you to say, I actually think a boundary is needed here. So, number one, friend, open up to what's going on in your body, in your gut, in your wise center. Because I believe you are so much more wise than you've been giving yourself credit for. I believe that you've been bouncing here, there, everywhere, um, looking for what you should quote unquote do, according to everyone else. Meanwhile, in your core, you keep having these gut feelings that it's like, oh, I think he just needs to, you know, sometimes just have us not give in. Yes, friend, yes, that's your gut saying you know what needs to happen. So, friend, part one of this holiday feeling like a perfect storm of chaos may have been that you have lost sight of listening to your gut as you are popping all around at what the advice is out there in the internet and from your in-laws or others. I want to bring you back to your center and trusting your gut. If you need help with that, let's work in coaching. That's exactly what a personalized parenting coach does is help you find that voice. If you've lost it in the chaos of so much information on TikTok, Instagram, friends, family, let's bring you back to that solid, wise core that I know you have. And part two is I don't want you to lose your leadership. I want you to remember that you, as the parent, are not just there to be a sponge of emotions. You are there to be the leader in emotion regulation, in respect, and responsibility. And some of that takes a lot more firmness than we quite feel comfortable with. We may have in our past, like a parent that was very rigid and very demanding, and we know we don't want to be anywhere close to that. But unfortunately, that can lead us to swing the pendulum way too far away because it's like this fire that feels too hot, that we are way over in the opposite side, which can become permissive because we don't want to be mean. We don't want to feel mean or be perceived as mean. And friend, there are many ways to hold structure without being mean. If you haven't had that as an example, I would love to help teach you how I move parents from what I call the cuckoo cycle, just mainly using commands and consequences, neck up, like talking, explaining, and negotiating, or bouncing then into consequences of taking things away. I call that the cuckoo cycle because it just commands consequences and typically leads to no change and feels like crazy making. And we move out of that into the leadership of a CEO recipe that's super clear. Three steps with multiple variances in those steps to adapt to different children that are more sensitive or more um strong-willed, so that it's adapted to really adjust to your unique child. But those CEO steps help you to be in your leadership and know exactly what to do when the child is calm, exactly what to do when you're asking them to start or stop something, exactly what to do when they're getting resistant, defiant, or emotional, and exactly what to do if they're in their fully flipped out, dysregulated place. So, friend, don't lose sight of your leadership. You have incredible ability to lead this child into being the wise, wonderful person that you know they truly are deep inside. So, this holiday is we're going into the additional times with family and friends. I really invite you to examine if you feel like you're in this pot that's been boiling a long time and you are just drowning and no friend there is help. Let's talk. There's a link in the description of this show for how you can have a free clarity call with me or directly sign up for services to start into your personalized plan of more ease and calm. And until we meet again, I want you to know I am rooting for you. For you to trust your wisdom, for you to trust that you have the ability to be a strong leader in the family for your kids in a way that is kind and firm at the same time.

SPEAKER_00:

Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable Parenting with Flora McCormick.

SPEAKER_01:

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