Sustainable Parenting

112. Tech Time Battles: A Summer Survival Guide

• Flora McCormick, LCPC, Parenting Coach

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Friend, if you're tired of constant tech battles with your kids, especially with summer approaching, this episode provides practical strategies to reduce screen dependency and encourage creative alternatives.


By the time you’re finished listening, you’ll know:


• 3 key habits to stop and 3 key habits to start.  


• How to grow your child’s boredom "struggle muscles."


• Tangible ways to regulate tech time. 


• how to strategically use tech time to your advantage: linking desired behaviors with technology rewards

• Provide age-appropriate freedoms that satisfy their need for independence and excitement (outside of tech). 

Check out Episode 111. Summer Survival, for more detailed guidance on creating technology agreements with your children.


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Speaker 1:

Friend, if you are frustrated with tech battles with your kids and especially loathing going into summer because of the thoughts around how they will be constantly asking for more time on their iPads or tablets, this is the episode for you.

Speaker 1:

We're going to dive into how we can curb those tech time battles and what we can encourage our kids to do instead. Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective and, for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome. So let's split what we want to stop doing into three sections and then what we want to start doing into three sections, and first I would want to share a story.

Speaker 1:

I get super frustrated when my kids are constantly begging for technology. I mean, I think it's one of the things that just like grates on my soul, like nails on a chalkboard, because of a multitude of things. Right, I was raised in the 80s. Many of you listening probably were as well, and we don't understand this constant begging for more TV time, when outside it's beautiful and there's lots of fun to be had, and we're like where is this desire coming from? Don't you want to play basketball? Don't you want to build a fort? I are coming from. Don't you want to play basketball? Don't you want to build a fort? And then when they seem to be not interested in doing anything else, it can be really easy to want to give up the fight because it feels so hard and just be like fine, okay, I just don't have it in me to battle with you anymore. I totally relate to that and I want to say I notice in myself and in others that we can create our own worst enemy, meaning we can be frustrated that our kids are begging us so much and unable to self-entertain in ways outside of technology. But if we don't give them space to learn how to entertain outside of technology, then they don't have the muscles to do so. So the first thing I want us all. It's like let's put our hands up, let's make a pledge.

Speaker 1:

First key thing that we want to stop doing is assuming that tech is the default, only way for a child to feel entertained or happy during downtime. We don't need to believe that we can know that the more they have, the more they crave it, but also, the less they have, then, the less they will crave it and they can build muscles of how to entertain other ways. We just have to often push through a little bit of that transition, like a detox, just like any other drug. So let's make a pledge that we are not going to have it be the default option to fill boredom, and instead we're going to look for ways to let them grow their struggle muscles. What does that mean? Well, the second thing that we want to make sure we're not doing is always seeking to have them be entertained. We can give them space to say, yeah, you might be bored and I can't wait to see what you do with that. When we remove tech time as our default, yes, it does mean we're also going to remove this belief that we have to keep them constantly entertained, going to remove this belief that we have to keep them constantly entertained, and when we do that, though, again, that's what creates this void, where they get an opportunity to grow the muscles they have not otherwise grown. So, friend, let's make that pledge to not have it be that default way to fill boredom is technology, and that we're not going to feel like we have to keep them constantly entertained.

Speaker 1:

The third thing that I want us to stop doing is to think that our kids are somehow entitled to their technology. Now, whether you've purchased a tablet for them and called it their tablet like this is yours, this is brothers or they have even purchased an item on their own while they are in your home, it is still something that you are entitled to have regulations around. Now it's harder to do that if you haven't set it up and ahead of time, but you still can wind things back at any point, and so if you're considering them getting an Xbox for the summer, or they already have it either way, I recommend you set out an agreement to be like let's talk about summer. This is a place in time where I want to be clear if you are doing these kinds of chores, that you're responsible for this amount of outside time, then this is the amount that you have access to this tech item. It's not just a default thing that they are entitled to. It is a privilege and it is something that is still in your ownership overall. You're paying for the internet that it's connected to. You're paying the power bill that's charging it. You still have a right to have regulations, whether you've called it their tablet or they have even purchased the item like a laptop or something themselves.

Speaker 1:

So the three things that we're going to stop doing is thinking that it's our default to fill boredom to use technology. We are going to stop thinking we have to keep them entertained and we are going to stop thinking that they are entitled to this item just because we've named it as theirs, or even if they purchased it. Now here's what we want to do instead. Instead, friends, let's make agreements in advance with our kids that you screen strategically. Let's make a plan that, say, x number of pages get read from your summer reading contest, or X number of chores get done in the morning, then you get this amount of technology time. Or after we have spent time with family members and been helpful with our cousins during the weekend, then we will have X amount of tech time on Tuesday through Thursday. Use it to your advantage, strategically, for that appropriate behavior to get done first and the technology to be the cherry on top, the dessert, if you will, that thing that they are doing what they don't want to do or are less interested in doing so that they can work towards that thing they really want.

Speaker 1:

Second key thing is, if we're looking to spur some creativity for our kids about how they can have fun out off of technology, let's look for ways to give them age appropriate freedoms and ideas around, ways to make money or build something or something that just feels like big and different and interesting. So age appropriate freedoms that can be really awesome to lean into are the ability for kids five to seven to play out in the yard or your cul-de-sac area without you. Eight to 10 could be walking the dogs, riding their bikes with a friend within a mile radius, or visiting neighbors that are a block or two away. 11 through 12, being able to ride their bikes a few miles away to a grocery store or a gas station to buy candy. My son is obsessed with doing that with the neighbors in our community. Look for ways that they get some freedom that is interesting and that will likely spur them to want to do those things. Like they're looking for something that kind of is exciting and we can create that through freedom and we can create that in ways that they have freedom so they don't have to go to technology for that buzz of adrenaline.

Speaker 1:

Another idea is do itit-yourself projects. Things like giving them actual hammer nails, wood art supplies, cardboard, tape depending on their age a glue stick and glue guns, things to be able to build forts, paper airplanes, build unique, you know, sitting areas. What would be interesting to be able to empower them to have some building in do-it-yourself ways this summer. The next thing that we can do to help them have something else to do is just to encourage all the areas of creativity that can happen without being adult led. I think in summer we often think that it's our job to enroll them in a camp or something specific. And don't get me wrong, if you have to work and they need to be in camp so that they're being supervised while you're at your place of work, absolutely. But if you're at home and thinking you need to enroll them in camps so that they're entertained, perhaps look for some opportunities to just have materials and ideas on hands and just holding the space for them to see what they do with it.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I can remember a time, just two and a half years ago, where my son was gosh. He would have been around nine at that time and he just sat in the chair spinning and spinning and spinning in the living room because I had said I wasn't going to solve his boredom problem that day and I couldn't wait to see what he came up with. And he was just like slumped over on this chair, like almost on the edge of crying, hands literally on his face, for about 15 minutes like totally devastated, unsure what to do with himself. But I held tight.

Speaker 1:

I did what I often call suffering with a purpose, so you can stop suffering in circles. Like it was so painful, I wanted to solve it so badly. I wanted to make a bunch of suggestions, I wanted to get him engaged in something. And it was so painful, I wanted to solve it so badly. I wanted to make a bunch of suggestions, I wanted to get him engaged in something, and but I didn't. And I held tight and guess what? He found something to do Him and the neighbors ended up coming up with this random creation where they took his sister's gymnastics mat and put like soap and water on it and sort of made their own DIY water slip and slide and then they had fun with it for like an hour I think.

Speaker 1:

And then they went on to bikes and then they went on to basketball and, like it, just kept having this cumulative effect where, without thinking I was going to solve it for him, he found the next thing to do and the next thing to do. So the things that we do can really accumulate. If we're always solving things for them, we're always defaulting to tech when they're bored, they're going to want that more and more. If we don't solve it and we give them opportunities for freedom and creativity, they are going to adjust to that more and more as well. And final thing, friend, is I really encourage you to make agreements in advance with your children about technology, and if you want to know more about what that looks like, please check out the last episode where we talked about how to survive summer. All right, friends, as always. I hope this equips you to be able to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time, so parenting finally feels sustainable.