Sustainable Parenting

87. How to Prevent Spoiled or Entitled Kids (Holiday Edition)

• Flora McCormick, LCPC, Parenting Coach

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Want to make this holiday season feel more meaningful and less stressful? In this episode of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, I’m sharing simple, practical tips to help you raise kids who appreciate what they have without the entitlement that can sometimes come with the season. We’ll talk about how getting your kids involved in chores and responsibilities can make a big difference in how they experience the holidays—and how it can lead to a more peaceful, joyful atmosphere at home.

I’ll also dive into the “less is more” approach, and how having fewer toys can actually spark more creativity and gratitude. Plus, I’ll share how donating toys that are no longer loved can be a great way to teach generosity and empathy, all while keeping things light and positive.

If you're looking for ways to create a more balanced, joyful holiday season (without the chaos), I’ve got you covered. And if you want extra support, I’m offering special sessions to help guide you through it all. Tune in and let’s make this holiday season feel a little more intentional and a lot more fun for your family!

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Speaker 1:

You're listening to episode 87 of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast with Flora McCormick, licensed Therapist, parenting Coach and Early Childhood Mental Health Consultant. Today I want to talk about the holiday season and how to be sure we're not raising spoiled brats. I hear this a lot from clients and parents I work with each year. That gosh, I just get so frustrated that my kid is demanding about what they want. And then we've had birthdays or Christmases where they complain about not getting the right this or that, and it's really frustrating and embarrassing. And what can I do to be sure we are not raising kids that seem so spoiled and entitled? And there's a lot to do in this holiday season that can feed that and there's a lot we can do to nurture the opposite. So let's talk about it. Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective and, for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome, all right. So how do we be sure that we are not raising kids that are entitled spoiled brats.

Speaker 1:

I want to give you three key ideas here and to think about during the holiday season and also during this holiday season. If you're anything like me, december is just this month. It almost feels like August. I'm like thinking about the new year ahead. In August it's always the school year ahead and what new habits or little tools we want to put in place to help our life run better, more effectively. And the same happens in December. I'm usually thinking what do I want to put in place in January to have things go better? So these are some thoughts for the holiday season and planning for your year ahead.

Speaker 1:

Three key thoughts. The first is remember this equation. I'm going to give you a key equation. The second is absolutely less is more. And the third is don't be afraid to let your kids be bored. Okay, the first is an equation. That equation is privilege without responsibility equals entitlement. Privilege without responsibility equals entitlement.

Speaker 1:

There are studies that say the most successful adults tend to be ones who are given chores and responsibilities to contribute to the household in childhood. And I think it's because of this equation, because when you've had a sense of responsibility, you're responsible for something in order to contribute to the greater good of the family and have the privileges that you all have as a family. That that's how we make sure we don't have spoiled brats that just think they get what they get no matter what, are just able to watch TV as much as they want, and they're just like begging. You told me I could have TV tonight, and it has no connection to what their responsibilities are. That just leads to entitlement. So check that out, and I have other episodes that talk about how we can build responsibility.

Speaker 1:

But the key thing I want you to think about is adding some essence of when, thens. When your room is clean, then you will be able to go to the neighbor's house. So any day neighbors come over and ask if you can play, I'm going to go check your room. If it's not ready, then the answer is no, not until you have it cleaned up. When, then, or when you're responsible with your bike, then you get to have access to it the next day. When you leave it out in the driveway, it's not going to be available for a few days, or, you know, we're all going to take turns with these amount of chores in the morning or Saturdays, and that's what we're going to do before we move on and do the fun things in our weekend.

Speaker 1:

Okay, second key thing is to think about less is more. Oh my gosh, I can't even tell you the number of times that I, when the kids were little, would go through the toy areas and take out half to two thirds of what had gathered up there. An amazing joy it brought my kids, and amazing joy it brought my kids. And other times where I saw the exact opposite after Christmas morning, of opening this, that and so many things. They were crabby and kind of irritable and not knowing sure what to do with themselves. It's very interesting how those seem to have the opposite effect of what you think they will. So trust me, friend, as you go into this holiday season thinking about what to get your kids and all the laundry list of things that they want and how you want to be the you know quote great mom that makes them happy by buying all the things, please remember that less is more. What truly leads them to be more joyful in their play typically is a lot less. Even I remember one holiday where the boxes that the items had come in became more exciting after Christmas was done than the items themselves. My daughter was in the corner putting, you know, streamers and string and drawing all over this box. Meanwhile, all the toys were sitting over in the living room untouched. So less is more, friends, I promise.

Speaker 1:

And if you're like feeling overwhelmed at what it's going to look like this Christmas, with other people in your lives bringing in a lot of gifts, or Hanukkah, whatever holiday you celebrate, please remember, an idea that can help is to preemptively clean out about half of the things in their toy area, and I found this to be a great time of giving and with my children, we've taken these moments to say there are so many boys and girls that might not be able to afford to buy brand new things, and you have lots of things that might still be wonderful to play with. Let's choose as many things as possible that we could donate to the local thrift store that could be purchased by a family, so that you know that could be purchased by a family and also have a way then for us to clean things out, make room for the things you're going to get at Christmas and have a sense of giving. Alongside that, we also love to do the purchasing of toys for a family from wish lists. I'm sure you have them in your area, whether it's through Salvation Army or your school. Look for a place that there are lists of families in your area that are in need of Christmas gifts, and involving your children in that process whether it's you know you might be purchasing the items yourself, but then have the kids make a card some way that they're involved in it, I think is really important for teaching them the value of the things they get in the holidays.

Speaker 1:

And the third thing is don't forget the power of allowing. And the third thing is don't be afraid to let your kids be bored. It is 100% okay for your kids to not get all the things that they want this holiday season. It is 100% okay for them to be frustrated and disappointed about things, and I would be clear with your kids ahead of time that that is not going to change things and in fact that might lead to some of their gifts being removed if they're going to be in a complaining attitude. We had one Christmas where my daughter could just talk nothing about the good stuff side and seem to get really involved in things not being the right color she thought it was going to be, or the right pony of the pony set. So the next Christmas we were really clear ahead of time, as I always talk about agreements in advance.

Speaker 1:

Honey, let me just be clear.

Speaker 1:

If I'm hearing complaints about the things you get at Christmas, you know these things are meant to be a gift. Gifts are not always exactly what you think they're going to be, but they're something you're grateful for and you say thank you with gratitude. If you're not able to have those words and that attitude, then we can, you know, donate them to another child who will enjoy them. And I really meant that, I was not just threatening. I was fully prepared to do that if she was going to make that choice that next year. Prepared to do that if she was going to make that choice that next year.

Speaker 1:

So those are a couple things to think about the equation, the way that less is more, and how we don't need to be afraid of them being bored or disappointed and we can still hold boundaries that are very loving I love you. And if you're not able to appreciate this toy, we can donate it to someone else. Those are my three top tips for making sure we're not raising spoiled brats and, as always, I hope this is a week that you are parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time, so that it finally feels sustainable. And if you're struggling with that at all and would like more personal support, I'm going to highlight a link in this episode about my three for one deal, which is where you get three sessions with me with $100 discount when you because you're buying in a bundle Would love to connect with you Until then. See you next week.