Sustainable Parenting

70. 3 Steps to Create a Peaceful School Year

• Flora McCormick, LCPC, Parenting Coach

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Ever wondered how to cultivate a peaceful and joyful school year for your family? 

Feeling overwhelmed by the digital distractions in your life? 

From pinpointing core values that resonate with your family to integrating meaningful activities like regular family meetings, this week will give you 3 approaches designed to foster an intentional and balanced school year. 

When you're done listening, you'll know 3 transformative strategies that can truly make a difference in your school year. 

  • Name what matters
  • Decide what you want to add
  • Decide what you want to remove


Together, we’ll also explore the importance of cutting out unnecessary commitments to avoid the chaos of overwhelm, ensuring a harmonious family rhythm.

For those eager to go deeper, I offer opportunities to join a four-month program or work one-on-one with me to create a more harmonious family dynamic. Transform your family life and embrace the magic of the moment!

✨Want more?

1) Use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting.

2) Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen

Speaker 1:

You're listening to Episode 70 of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we're tackling three key strategies to have a more enjoyable, peaceful school year ahead With me, your host, flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach and early childhood mental health consultant. I'm so glad you're here, friend. Before we get started, I want to highlight a client who shared with me last summer how awesome it was when she got to the end of the summer and looked back and said I'm so glad, flora, that I worked with you during the year, because this was the best summer we've ever had. Abby was a single mom of a eight-year-old and said the previous summer had just been filled with battles and power struggles and meltdowns and times that her daughter was rude in front of the neighbors that were visiting or friends that were over and she was embarrassed. Trips with family felt awkward because she knew they were kind of rolling their eyes at ways that her daughter was interacting and not listening to her. And that had all been the previous summer. But this summer, she said, was just phenomenal. It was so fun to feel like her trip with her family was just calm. She felt chill, she felt comfortable as herself. She knew what to do when her daughter was rude in front of friends and she felt empowered and it quickly turned around into better cooperation when she used the tools we had practiced. And she also said that it was just so fun, you know, even when there were hard moments that she regularly knew just what tool to reach from from the tools we had reviewed. So, friend, if this is you, you'd love to get into next summer saying I'm so glad I did all the things during the year to make it a better summer. I'd love to get into next summer saying I'm so glad I did all the things during the year to make it a better summer. I'd love to work with you. This is a great time. I've got several new clients starting out at this season and it's a wonderful time to begin to make some changes. So reach out via the link that's in the show notes or the show description and we can connect. Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective. And, for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome.

Speaker 1:

Now, without further ado, let's dive into this topic on the three tools for a great school year. I want to tell you they're going to be these three things we're going to name it, we're going to decide what to add and we're going to decide what to remove. First thing, we're going to name what matters. We're going to name. We say with our kids, when we're trying to calm upsets, we name it to tame it. The more we can give a name, like, instead of just saying gosh, calm down, take a breath. When we use words like boy, you seem frustrated, you look very angry. I see that you really didn't like what just happened. When we name something, it helps us have more of a sense of control of it, like at least I know what I'm working with. And the same is true when we're preparing for the school year. If we want to have more of a sense of control of what this year is going to look like, we first have to name what matters and what our intention is for the year.

Speaker 1:

So, friend, I invite you to think about this topic, and we just did this at our first sustainable parenting women's retreat over the weekend, called rooted and reaching. We did this in a group among 10 women, but you can do this with yourself, or do it with your partner, do it with a friend, sit down and perhaps you look online for a list of words that are values or character traits, and circle what three really stand out to you as important for this year. They don't have to be like the end-all, be-all what matters most to you in life, but for this year, are we working more on cooperation? Are we working more on gentleness? Are we working on problem solving as a family? Do we want to work on more kindness and reaching out to others? Generosity what are the three words that matter to you this year? Because that's really going to shape where you put your energy. If you don't care if there's any more cooperation you're like good to go there. Then you don't need to waste your time reading books, blogs, things about how to get more cooperation. But if that's a key word for you, or more calm instead of chaos, then that's going to be where you put your time and energy, because you've identified it really matters.

Speaker 1:

So first let's name what matters for our school year, so then we can decide where to put our energy to make those things happen. The second thing I really want you to think about doing is decide what you want to add Now the school year can have. There's so many things already in it. You know, I feel like I'm already getting the emails about the school play that's going to happen and have auditions like the second week of school and the fall sports look like they're already starting practice weeks before school starts again, and those rhythms of the school year of gymnastics or swim team or whatever your sport or activity or music lessons your kids might be involved in. It's like it all just starts up so fast. So you might be like what to add? I don't want to add anything, but here's what I mean. What's perhaps one thing you want to add that would add value to your family rhythm? Perhaps it's? I want to start doing regular family meetings and me I'm holding my hand up Like I swear my Flora Costa, flora McCormick just threw in my maiden name there, I swear.

Speaker 1:

My goal this year is to add in family meetings so that once a week we're checking in, we're doing a combination of things where the way it's suggested from positive discipline is you start with a round of appreciations, it's mom's turn, everyone gives a compliment or appreciation. Second, it's another person in the family's turn, and so on. And then step two is that we solve a problem in the family together by brainstorming. Okay, if the issue is getting out the door in the morning, we're all brainstorming what could we all be doing that could make this go better? And even if people throw out crazy ideas, we say, yeah, that's a great idea, what else? And then at the end we say what can really work from this list for all of us? And then we end with like an ice cream Sunday time, something simple and fun. So this is my goal.

Speaker 1:

So maybe a piece you want to add in is having family meetings. Or, if your kids are younger, it may be that you want to start in a spousal or partner meeting where let's at least once a week, check in and say what's working and what's not, and what's something that we want to do to try out solving that thing that's not working so well, and let's for sure celebrate the things that did go well this week. So perhaps that's what you would want to add in, to add more quality to your life. The essence here, friend, is I'm asking you to think about what might you want to add? That's all about prevention and planning, so that you end up with less putting out fires. Maybe I want to add getting that app that gives us some suggestions for meals for the whole week. I really want to step into doing that so that we are not chaotically scrambling at 530 every night. What's something that would bring a lot more ease to your life to add in and intentionally really put it in your calendar, sign up for that app or do whatever the tangible steps are so that you really move that ball forward. Then, lastly, decide what you want to remove.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes we're way better at adding than we are at subtracting, and perhaps you're like a family that I just spoke with this week in parent coaching, who the mom said I just get so tired of my kids saying they have nothing to play with. I realized I kind of have a problem of I love to buy things for them. I'm always trying to think, oh, I bet they'd love this art project, this learning activity, but it seems like the more that I buy, the less that they're happy. And I said you know what I really think those two things are actually very much related. I said what would it be like if you took away, bagged up, all but 15% of the things that you currently have available to them art, materials, toys, activities. I'm not saying throw it away, but just put it in bags, put in a crawl space or a closet or under a bed somewhere that works for you, that can specifically be saved for trading out. So then you only have 15% available to the kids, and with less it's often more. Less material equals more joy, more fun, more happiness, more of a sense that they have more than enough to play with. And you may you may be doubting me, but I tell you, give it a try and see. I was always shocked when I would do this with my kids when they were especially young, and now we do it together. Now that they're older, they always have more fun in their rooms, in their play area, on their bookshelf when there's less.

Speaker 1:

So what is it for you that you could remove? Is it some stuff? Maybe it's that you want to remove some sort of activity that's been a should. Yeah, I feel like we should be doing this sport or this music lesson or you know whatever it is, but really, deep down, it's not important to you as much as it's some should, from someone else in your life or from society. Maybe it's posting everything on social media and you're like this is the year I'm just going to take away the amount of time I spend on my phone because I'm constantly saying I just don't have patience for my kids and I'm just exhausted. But if I really look at my monitor on my you know usage of technology, holy cow. I've been on my screen an average of five to six hours a day. Would I have more patience if I wasn't spending five to six hours staring at my screen and in the addictive cycle of scrolling? Something to consider.

Speaker 1:

If that's something you're considering taking away, I invite you to consider these three questions whenever you're reaching for your phone. I'm following these three questions right now from a book I read over my summer vacation called how to Break Up With your Phone, and I'll be honest, I'm doing a mediocre job at a bit, but I'm starting some steps anyhow. And one piece I'm really loving is asking myself, honest, I'm doing a mediocre job at a bit, but I'm starting some steps anyhow. And one piece I'm really loving is asking myself, every time I'm about to reach for my phone, these three W questions what for, why now? And what else? What for? Am I reaching for it because I'm looking for my friend that's going to text me when she arrives at the airport? No, I'm not. I'm. I literally have nothing I need. If I'm reaching for it just out of this, like I'm gonna check if someone has left me a message or sent an email or liked my Facebook post, maybe I'm going to decide not to. Second question why now? If you're like, oh, I'm just going to check my email, you might stop and think, like I often do why now? Why would I do that right before bed If I read something that's going to get my mind swirling, I'm just going to be thinking about that, stressing about that, wanting to respond instead of relaxing, that, wanting to respond instead of relaxing. So maybe not now. And third question is what else?

Speaker 1:

The other day, when I asked myself those three questions, I had gone out into the garage. My husband and I were going to drive somewhere to spend some time together and I was like, okay, I'll be out in the garage waiting for you. And as I went out there, he was taking a little longer. Normally I would get out my phone and just scroll and something and I thought, okay, wait, what else, though? And instead I kept my phone in my pocket. I walked over to the flower bed that's just a few feet away from where our car was parked and I just took a moment to look at the flowers and actually was like drizzling, raining a little bit, and just kind of felt the rain on my face. It was kind of a magical, much more restorative moment than pulling out my phone. I even had a neighbor drive by Hi, brianna, if you're listening who said like what are you looking at? It's like I don't know, I'm just looking, just looking at the flowers, I guess.

Speaker 1:

So you may surprise people around you when you take actions that are not focused on your phone. So what for? Why now? What else? And gosh, I know you're probably with me when you think, as a mom or dad, that what else could often be actually making eye contact when my kid looks up at me, instead of them just seeing the top of my head or what else might happen if I'm not on my phone would be actually choosing to just go over and give a spontaneous hug, which we know can help add into our cooperation. So, friend, these are our three key things I want to offer you for a better school year. If you'd like to dive deeper into how to have better cooperation and joy and ease for bigger battles that have been happening. That's what I'm all about. Would love to have you join our four-month program or consider options of working one-on-one, and for now, I hope these serve you well to have at least this outline and know that I'm always here for you when you're ready to dive deeper.