68. My Secret Weapon to Get Speedy Cooperation!

Having trouble getting your child to listen and cooperate without repeating yourself? Feel like you're always reminding them and still not getting anywhere?😫

In this week's episode, we explore how asking the right questions can make a big difference.🌟 By using curiosity-driven questions instead of commands, you can engage your child's mind and encourage them to cooperate more easily, creating a peaceful and respectful home.

After listening, you'll learn:

• How to ask curiosity-driven questions that help your child think and make better choices.
• The benefits of these questions for morning routines, homework, and chores.
• Practical tips from other parents who have tried and loved this approach.

Discover how simple changes can reduce stress and create a happier, more cooperative home. 🎧Tune in to see the magic of curiosity questions and enjoy hearing inspiring success stories from fellow parents!

✨Want more?

1) Use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting.

2) Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast with me, flora McCormick, licensed therapist and parenting expert of over 15 years, and in just a few minutes I'm going to give you exactly what to put into action today to see change in your child's behavior. Today I want to highlight Alyssa and Martin, amazing parents who worked with me as a parenting coach, who said that when they use today's tool, they went from a space where they were nagging or reminding their kids to get dressed and get dressed to using this tool and their child saying oh, and moving their body quickly up the stairs, finding their shoes, getting them on and getting out the door quickly. I remember Martin telling him me that he literally had to pick his jaw up off the floor. He was like what Is it really that easy? I never thought it was possible to see different results in my kids being more cooperative just because I asked in a different way. I thought it was all about them. They needed to just know that they needed to be more respectful, know that they needed to be better quote behaved when really it was all about them. They needed to just know that they needed to be more respectful, know that they needed to be better quote behaved when really it was all about my asking. That was driving them to be more likely to tune me out, ignore me.

Speaker 1: 1:15

And not, it's so easy. Here it is. It's the tool of asking instead of telling, asking instead of telling. And I don't mean can you, can you please come over here and empty this dishwasher with me? Can you get your shoes on please? No, and it's not just asking with a nice tone, it is asking in a way that piques their curiosity. That's why we call them curiosity questions, and a curiosity question starts with a what or a how. So hear me out for just a minute on this. The ineffective style sounds something like this Go, brush your teeth, pick up your coat, stop fighting with your brother, get your plate off the table for dinner. So notice what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that. The curiosity question, now with asking with a what or a how, sounds like this what do we need to do so your teeth won't feel scuzzy? Oh, where does your coat belong? How could you and your brother solve that? What was our agreement of where our plate goes after dinner? What and how questions? This is so simple. Martin said to his son when he still didn't have his shoes on. He just said oh, what are you missing on your feet? And he immediately went from not listening to the several nagging things Martin had just said to moving upstairs, finding his shoes, getting them on and coming downstairs.

Speaker 1: 3:15

I see it all the time with my kids. Sometimes I'll say at dinner, when they're not eating, hey, what are we supposed to be doing right now? And their little hands just go right down to the plate with the fork and up to the mouth and I just can't believe how magically it shifts their behavior. Or if my daughter's being whiny and I say, well, how can you say that so I can hear you, she will pause and it really gets those wheels turning for her to self-correct. Or I look in her backpack and I notice that her gloves are there, and then she did not hang them up when she first got home but is going to need them dry. I'll say honey, come over here. What do you notice in your backpack?

Speaker 1: 3:59

And as kids get older, a great one for cleaning up or getting homework done or getting their chore done is what's your plan for Okay, honey? Well, what's your plan for getting this done? When you ask your child with a what or a how question what's your plan for? How can you solve this? What ideas do you have? What's our agreement? What's on our routine chart? How can you solve it? What and how?

Speaker 1: 4:28

You get their brains moving and it gives this place where they feel like confident and excited to have the answer because they are able to um, they're able to give it, they're able to tell you what's supposed to happen, instead of feeling in that place where you're telling them what needs to happen. And it makes them feel more empowered, more appreciated, more like seen as an intelligent being instead of a golden retriever, and everyone wins. So this is a small shift with big, powerful impact. If you can shift today, practice anytime you're about to tell your kid to do something, ask it, try out using a what or how and tell me the results. And, friend, if you've gotten value from episodes previous to today or after today, please make sure that you download, subscribe so you don't miss future episodes, and that, if you haven't yet leave a review, by going to the main page of the of the show and scrolling down to the bottom of all episodes you see for a chance to leave a four star review. We could select you in an upcoming episode for a free course.