28. Tech-free survival tips for the after-school chaos

Do you find that you have to let your kids on a tablet or ipad, in order to get through the after school chaos? Frustrated that you can't just enjoy that time from school to dinner, with those little ones?

Today I'm giving you 3 key steps for after school.

Help your child to:
1)  "See it"
2) "Say it"
3) And have a strategy for the chaos (tech-free).

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Transcript

Flora McCormick: [00:00:00] You're listening to episode 28 of the sustainable parenting podcast with Flora McCormick, licensed clinical professional counselor and parenting coach of 15 years. Today, we're giving you tech free survival tips for that afterschool chaos so that we can have that time between school pickup and Dinner time go way, way smoother. Let's dive in.

INTRO: Hello and welcome to the sustainable parenting podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline. That's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time. And give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective. And for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome[00:01:00] 

Today, I want to highlight our listener of the week who says this podcast hits the mark. The best L U one, two, two says Flora understands parenting from professional experience and real in the moment parenting of her own. With her calm, straightforward presentation and ideas that make sense, I walk away thinking, I'm not alone in this, I can do this.

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And to please share this podcast with a friend or family member or someone that you meet at the bus stop, anyone you think that could benefit from having some more ideas on how to have more joy and ease [00:02:00] in parenting.

Okay. So how do we calm that afterschool chaos? I really wanted to dive into this episode after doing a post in Facebook, talking about tech free survival tips and having parent after parent say, I just struggle so much with this I want my kids watching technology less. I want them less on their iPads or their tablets, but I also just need a flipping break.

Sometimes Flora. And what do I do? What else can offer me that chance to really just put my feet up for a second or for goodness sakes, just be able to make dinner in peace without a toddler yanking on me or constantly needing to break up sibling fights. Flora, what do I do? And especially in this after school time, I know that it can be an [00:03:00] extra intense section of the day because it's like you've got to move from one thing to the next, the kids might be hungry or cranky, and so I want to give you these three key steps.

We are going to make sure they can see it, they can say it. and that they know how to have a survival strategy that is tech free. We want to make sure they can see it, say it, and that we have set up a plan that's going to work for us tech free. See it. Say it. Set up that plan that's going to help us survive tech free.

Here we go friend. Let's dive in So the first part is in your after school schedule If you end up having these challenges of your kids being like wait, it's piano today. Oh, no I thought I was gonna play with the neighbors or uh I don't want to go to soccer. I'm too tired. And they have this sort of surprise to what the afterschool requirements are, even though you've probably told them [00:04:00] a million times.

Then I want you to make sure that you've made some sort of a visual where they can see it, see what the schedule is for the week and particularly know what to expect that day. Now, no, no, no. I'm not telling you to make some fancy, elaborate, expensive thing that's going to frustrate you. Um, I don't want you to stress if you're a perfectionist who likes to find the best Pinterest worthy sort of picture or way to do this.

I literally want you to get out a blank piece of paper, draw a rectangle across it, and divide it into five or seven. Squares, whatever is most important for the way that your week flows. And then I want you to just put a quick stick figure or word, depending on if your child is reading it or not, that represents what is happening that day after school, just a simple.

You know, picture for really young kids, um, this can involve just, you know, [00:05:00] it's a picture of a kid dancing. And then the next day it's a picture of a soccer ball. The next day it's kid dancing. And then it's a soccer ball. Let's say they have those every other day for older kids. You may have multiple things that are going on for them in one day, put both pictures in the order that they're going to happen.

And this is a way for them to clearly see what it is. They need the, what activity they have for that day. Next, we want them to see it and say it. We want them to be able to say to you what is required for that activity that is happening. So, you know, this year with my kids, seven and nine, we really dove into this.

If you have much younger kids, this is going to sound much simpler, but let me just tell you the seven and nine year old version. And then I'll tell you the younger kid version, seven and nine year old version for wanting them to say what it is each activity is going to require is, you know, what. Let's make a list together of what is it that you need in order to go to football practice.

Okay, you need your water bottle, you need your cleats, you [00:06:00] need your flags. That's what you need. Let's put this on the list for my daughter. When it's gymnastics, she needs her special, uh, outfit. She needs her water bottle. She needs a hair tie. She needs to take out her earrings. Those are the things that need to happen.

I asked her about those ahead of time in a conversation. We, we took time outside of a moment of trying to run out the door. To have this discussion, I had her write it down in her words. So then when I'm looking at the picture with her, it's Monday and it's our day to be able to have piano practice or for Caleb, it's going to be his football and piano practice, I can say to them, okay, so what day is it?

And have them tell me by looking at the picture and what do you need after school today for those things to happen? We do that before school so that we can be ready for the after school chaos. So we want them to see it, have some sort of visual, and we want them to be able to say it to me. For younger kids, that might be [00:07:00] just as simple as saying, you know, What do we need to go to dance class?

And they might say, Say shoes, and you're like, yes, you need your shoes. Or even if they don't know it, we still want to ask them, Oh, it's our dance day. What do we take for dance day? And they might not know. They might just look at you with a blank stare, but you are building the scaffolding to getting their brain to at least pause and think, and we'll build towards one day where they will have that answer for you.

Or sometimes even when they don't have the words, they'll have the actions, they'll just start walking over to their tutu or to the ballet shoes and bring them to you. So even kids that can't speak yet really verbally, um, in an advanced way, we can still have them quote, say to us what it is they need by asking the question.

I hope that makes sense. All right, see it, say it. And then third, we are going to make sure that we have set up a [00:08:00] plan to survive the afterschool chaos tech free. My friends, this one's a huge one in terms of really looking at what is it that we are allowing to just Happen without making the strategic shift to be doing things in a way we really more have a higher value for.

Here's what I mean. I have totally fallen into this where I'm like, oh, I know it'll be fun. I'll just let 'em watch this one show after school. And then next thing I know, they're asking for a show the next day. And I'm like, I really don't want two shows in a row on different days, but okay. I don't know. I need to make dinner.

And then the next thing I know, it's like this pattern. And I feel like I can't get them to ever entertain without the TV on. If I try to say no TV today, they're just moaning and groaning and they're irritable. And they're just like, we're so bored. There's nothing to do. Can you really, does this sound at all familiar?

I hope so. Hope I'm not the only one. [00:09:00] Well, I bet that I'm not, and I believe that what changed things for me can also change things for you, which is number one, believing that things can be different. My friend, this is one of my favorite things to do in parent coaching is that I help parents to know it can happen.

Be different. You can have more ease. You can have more joy. You can have nights where you're not laying next to your kid all the way for like three hours till they fall asleep and battling them all the way. You can have the time at the dinner table. That's actually enjoyable and fun and not involving a ton of nagging and repeating and struggle.

You can have things be so much better. And so I promise you, you can survive after school, tech free, if it's a plan that you want to make, and you follow through with that kindness and firmness at the same time. Here's the building blocks. We have to set it up ahead of time. As you're always hearing from me, I hope, make those agreements in advance.

That is going to help you more than anything. So in the moment, if I just say, yeah, I [00:10:00] decided today we're not doing technology. Of course, I'm going to get the moans and the groans and the I'm bored. There's nothing to do. So instead I need to really make a personal plan and convey it to the kids. Hey guys.

New plan after school, we are going to have the options of playing outside or coloring or Play Doh. These are our options and we're not going to be getting out the iPads or the um, TV. Now if you're one of the parents, like parents I just talked to last week that were like, but they steal the remote and they end up watching things even when I've said they can't.

Or they go and grab their um, tablets when I've said they can't. My friend, you are 30, 35. 45, however old you are, I no, no, no, that you can come up with a strategy where this three, five or eight year old is not winning in that sort of way. Come on. That means hiding the remote, or that means putting their tablets up in a cupboard that's above the fridge or [00:11:00] something, just come up with something so they can't just grab it when they want it.

So. Then what else can you do? Here's some of my favorite strategies. If you're trying to get them to engage with something like coloring or Play Doh, you can find a way to play an audio story. If you are concerned that they're not going to be interested in doing something without a little bit of stimulation, that's one way to not be showing them something on their iPad.

And secondly, you, it, you just have to be willing to go through the extinction burst. Or what I call, you know, in layman's terms, the kick, the vending machine response, like they might be super bored and flop around. I had my kids do this. I remember, especially during COVID when it was like, there's no place to go.

And it's just us hanging out again today. And they'd be like, I'm so bored. And if I could just like, wait through that and be like, I know, and I can't wait to see what you [00:12:00] come up with to do. I just kept that kind and firm trust that I believe you're going to be able to figure this out. And do you know what?

They always would, they would kind of sit mope, take a while, but if I didn't engage, I didn't get sucked into a power struggle or me feeling like it was my job to find something to entertain them, but just kind of let go of that rope, walk away, trust that they can come up with a solution, maybe make sure there's plenty of things offered like.

Play things to color supplies for that, maybe a giant lump of Play Doh. It's one of my favorite things. And in fact, my daughter even has a little side business where she shares the, or sells those, um, because I so often am recommending that to people. And then finally that you can, you know, get them outside.

So it's either like coloring or some activity or get them moving. That could be outside playing with a ball. Or if you're in a cold place like me, where it's [00:13:00] about to have snow all over the ground, then get them moving in a different way. Some great indoor movement activities are to blow up a balloon. I remember I used to always go to the dollar store when my kids were little and just whenever I could buy a pack of balloons, or if I was ever at a thrift store that was often something you would find in their like craft section is balloons that people have like, you know, not needed the last 10 balloons out of a pack of 50 they bought or something.

And, and then those would be our saving grace on a cold day where I needed them to move, we'd blow up a balloon and see how many hits we could keep it in the air before it ended up touching the ground, or sort of play like indoor volleyball with the balloon, hitting it back and forth, maybe over the couch or over the, uh, a couple of chairs from the kitchen table.

We can take out, um, painter's tape and draw shapes on the ground in your kitchen or your living room, and then put music on and have it be like, um, musical chairs, freeze dance. Like when the music stops, you have to get inside [00:14:00] one of those shapes. And then when the music stops, you got to get inside a different shape or when the music stops, you got to freeze your body in a funny pose.

Sometimes you can give names to those poses. Like these are all just like, I'm coming up with all the background of fun games that I love to play, but also you can just let the kids, you know, put on some music and dance and be silly. You can let them, um, you can print out a picture. There's lots of ideas online of what's called gross motor activities, and they will give you activities of maybe a poster you could print out.

That shows bear walks and, um, lobster crawls and things like that. And just have it up on a wall and say, Hey guys, go do some animals and let them go pick which animals they want to do. Anyways, I'm getting kind of distracted here. The main point I want to give you is that there are ideas that can involve your kids that don't have to be technology.

The biggest obstacle to us getting our kids to self entertain is not letting them get. Bored [00:15:00] and thinking that it's our job to keep them entertained if we can let go of that and say they might be bored for A few minutes and then I bet they'll find something to do We are gonna be likely successful at them being able to self entertain better in that after school period And I've seen it happen time and time again Um, if you'd like some more ideas and visuals on some of these things that I've represented today, please make sure that you follow us in our Facebook group or on TikTok or YouTube where we have channels where we are going to be sharing more visuals of all of the ideas that I've talked about today.

And friend, I hope this is another week you can embrace parenting firmness at the same time. So parenting finally feels sustainable.