26. How to Get Kids to Actually Help With Chores Without Complaining

Ever asked your child to help out—maybe with picking up their toys or putting away dishes—only to be met with a groan, “Whyyyyyy?” or “Do I haaaaave to?”

It’s one of those everyday moments that can push our buttons. After all, as parents, we do so much to make sure our kids are thriving, so when they resist a simple request, it’s hard not to lose patience. I’ve been there too (in fact, just this past weekend!).

In this week’s episode, I’m walking you through positive discipline tools that make a big difference when kids push back on chores. You’ll learn 2️⃣key steps that encourage cooperation while keeping things calm and connected.

✨ BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL LEARN:

• How to set kids up for success before the chore is even expected.
• Ways to motivate cooperation using kind and firm parenting.
• The “magic phrase” that shifted my own family from eye-rolls to “okay, Mom.”

Why is this important? Psychologists remind us that teaching kids to help around the house builds responsibility, resilience, and confidence. With a little calm parenting strategy, you’re not just getting chores done—you’re raising confident kids who grow into naturally helpful teenagers. 🌟

✨Want more?

✨Black Friday Savings: The Calm Cooperation Toolkit & Emotional Resilience Toolkit (BIG SAVINGS):

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Transcript

Flora mcCormick: [00:00:00] You're listening to episode 26 of the sustainable parenting podcast. Today, we're talking about how I finally got my kids to participate in chores. And I want to give you the same resources so that you can do this with your kids. And I promise you it can start as young as two or three. And definitely we want to start it as early as possible.
But if you haven't done it yet. It's never too late. It's never too early. So let's dive in.

Intro: Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing. to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective and for that reason finally feel sustainable.
Welcome.[00:01:00]


I want to start by highlighting our list of the week who left our 100th review of the sustainable parenting podcast, Anna Barnard, who said, I love her realistic floor is she really gets what it's like to be a mom in a busy world. She sees how frustrated and tired you are gives you validation. Her advice is not just giving that great pal by but it's backed by actual studies, her professional education and years and years of experience and working with children, including her own.
Thank you. Flora breaks it down for you and gives you small tidbits that lead you to real achievable goals. And her coaching motivates, encourages, and gives you confidence to apply the skills right away. Thank you, Flora. Wow. We are so thankful, Anna, for you sharing your experience and coaching and how it's felt to be a follower here at the Sustainable Parenting Podcast.
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Now let's dive into how to get our kids to help with chores. This is something I hear a lot from parents, like, is it too young to expect something of them? I don't know. They're only three or five or seven. I hear that even from parents or I'll have parents say, well, it is pulling teeth. Anytime I ask them to do something, they will be like, oh, or no, or it creates a fight.
So I'm like, whatever. It's not worth it. I'm just going to do it [00:03:00] myself friend. Today's episode is going to address all of these areas. So first thing that I want you to know about how I got my kids to participate in chores is we made agreements in advance. You're probably like, ah, we're hearing that all the time from you, Flora.
And I hope that you are. I hope that you are starting to feel like you're hearing that all the time from me because it's an important key to how I see parents getting into more joy and ease. Make an agreement in advance. So for instance, when I was just asking my kids. Ad hoc, like in the moment, occasionally to help with something, it didn't go well.
It'd be like, Hey guys, could you help unload the dishwasher? We've kind of got a lot going on. And they'd be like, Oh, moan, groan, I don't want to. And then it was like this battle. Or if I was saying, you know, I think that today let's make your lunch. Oh really? But you always do it, mom. And it'd be this whole battle.
[00:04:00] So if you want to change something with your kids being involved in chores and household tasks, First thing you gotta do, my friend, is make an agreement in advance. Decide you're gonna make a change and do it. Now, if you're anything like me, you probably need to be reined in a little bit from making this agreement in advance be too big.
Like, I remember One summer when I was trying to get the kids to do some like schoolwork regularly through the summer, I was like, we're going to write a letter to grandma every single day. And of course, that wasn't realistic in the summer, and I've done it with chores too. So reign it in, make sure that you're not getting too carried away that it's sustainable.

 You know, I love that word that you make a sustainable plan in advance. So, here's 1 thing that worked really well for our family. I wanted the kids to be more involved in emptying the dishwasher and this started when the kids were 5 and [00:05:00] 7 and I said, let's make a plan that every other day. They're going to help unload the dishwasher.
Monday through Friday, and we have some pictures on the kid of the kids on our refrigerator. So we just took a little happy face magnet and put it next to whoever's face. It was for that day and then moved it after the kid, um, empty the dishwasher to the other child's face. That worked well for us to have a sustainable.
Way to remember whose freaking turn is it today? I can't remember. There's so much on my mind. So, um, and then first thing in the morning, it was just a part of after they did breakfast. And before we were playing with anything, cause there's usually like a little lull of about 10 to 15 minutes. And that was enough time.
I mean, frankly, it really takes probably about three to four minutes to empty the dishwasher. So even if you're like, I don't know if we got time for that, that's where it worked for us for you. It might be a different time. Maybe you're able to run the dishwasher in a time where before they head up to [00:06:00] bedtime would be the time to have someone help, but making that agreement in advance that they were going to take turns and it was going to be every other day.
There were some battles at 1st, but then pretty quickly we got into where it wasn't a daily battle. They knew what was agreed. Second thing that's going to help you to get your tour, your kids involved in chores is use when then agreements. So when then's connected to your agreements really give them that like.
Um, that like spine that like matters, okay, gives them, I don't know, I'm missing the word, but gives them that like muscle behind the agreement. So what do I mean? When then would look something like when you have helped with the tasks that we agree to during the week, then you get. 2 hours of cartoons on Saturday and Sunday morning.
Um, and when there's a day, we [00:07:00] have a battle over something, then you automatically lose a half hour of that time. And I think it's important to use increments when we're taking things away

 instead of the whole thing. That's it. You lost cartoons. Well, then what's to motivate them the next day. To do that.
Sure. So I find that that's the most sustainable. Look at the privileges that you're already likely giving the kids. So you don't have to add an extra, like you get a toy from target or you were going to go get ice cream. No, no, no. Just the typical rhythm of privileges that they're already enjoying. You just tie that to their responsibilities and friend here.
This here's a key reason. This is important because privilege without responsibility. Equals entitlement here that again, privilege without responsibility equals entitlement. So, if you've been frustrated that your kids just seem to demand the right to watch their shows and never be [00:08:00] helpful, that's because you may be missing that equation.
Let's start putting in place regular agreements in advance. Tied to women's when you've done what you need to do for the family to be helpful, then you get the things that you want to do when you've done what you need to do, then you get what you want to do really straightforward. And this is really a good lifelong principle.
This is not bribing. This is the real life way that we live, you know, when you show up to work, then you get your paycheck and you don't get fired when, you know, for myself, when I. Clean my house, then I get to enjoy a clean house. When I go grocery shopping and do that work. I have grocery food in the fridge to get to eat.
You know, I mean, it's when then the, when we do our work, then we get our rewards is a system. We want them to set up for life. So, 2 key things that got my kids involved in chores 1 [00:09:00] was agreements in advance. To was things that were tying it to a win then friend, if you need help with this and you're not sure, or you're like, what about at this age group or that age group, this is what I love to do as a parenting coach.
And as 1 mom just said to me this morning, she's like, how do people do this without help? I mean, like, everything you just shared with me, Flora, I don't this is helping so much. And how do people do this parenting thing? Well. Without help and I was like, well, you know how it used to be was that the grandmas and the moms or the dads and the grandpas all live together and we had this generational wisdom and support right

 there at our fingertips and nurturing us in the family, but we don't have that in our world mostly today.
If you do have it, that's fantastic. But a lot of times we don't have it, or even if we have those people in our lives, they might not be the example we're wanting to influence us the strongest. So we live in a [00:10:00] world where we find the help in the best way we can and friend, I'd love to be that support for you reach out and I have options between utilizing insurance or having a group option that really brings the cost down for you so that we can get you the support to have more joy and ease in parenting.
Because friend, I want you to be having every tool you can. To parent with kindness and firmness at the same time, so that parenting finally feels sustainable.