23. 5 Ways to Use Playfulness to Encourage Cooperation

Are you tired of having battles with your kids? Feel like you just repeat yourself a zillion times, till you explode?

This week we’re digging deep into what it means to have more FUN, even when you have to get your child to START or STOP doing something.

With these 5 tips, you can:

• Curb your nagging (and frustration), 
• Encourage more cooperation from your child, 
• Get things done faster (like going up to bed, getting dressed, and out the door)!

✨Want more?

1) Use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting.

2) Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen.

3) Buy a 3 session Coaching Bundle (saving you $100) - for THREE 30-min sessions 1:1 with ME, where we get right to the heart of your challenges, and give you small, powerful shifts that make a huge difference fast.

Transcript

Flora McCormick: [00:00:00] You're listening to episode 23 of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. And today we're talking about five ways to infuse fun into your discipline. And friend, if you're thinking fun, discipline, those kind of seem like opposite words. That's why I'm so glad you're here, because actually when you can incorporate some fun into the ways that you're teaching your kids or redirecting their behavior.

Oh. It can be a relief to both you and them and that relief of some more joy and some lightness is often just well appreciated by everyone in the family. So let's dive in.

INTRO: Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and [00:01:00] effective. And for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome.Okay, so let's dive in.

Flora McCormick: I just had one of my favorite clients, Amanda, who came through my program with her husband and had lots of great success come back to me still with this question this week. It was like, so I don't get. How do I infuse fun into my discipline? Because being silly is like the last thing that I feel like doing when the kids are melting down.

So these tools are really important. I want to make sure you understand that. First of all, if we're going to involve some playfulness, it's actually to try to prevent things getting so bad that there's a giant meltdown. Totally. When there's a meltdown, they're flipped. They flip their lid or you flipped your lid or.

The [00:02:00] combination of both, like, yes, our brains are not in a prime state to be like, let me joke here. Let me be funny or let me be creative. We often are in like fight flight defense or argument, um, or panic. Let's be honest mode when our kids are melting down. So. Yeah, I'm not going to tell you how to just like pretend that's not true.

These things instead though are meant to be ways to maybe prevent getting there. So let's talk about how you could use some playfulness, some silliness in your discipline in moments before the poop is at the fan. Uh, yeah. So that you then can hopefully experience some relief outside of it getting to a terrible point.

So I'm going to give you five tips today. Number one, how to say no with a yes. Number two, the clown trick. Number three, this way or that way. [00:03:00] Number four, let's get it done with fun. And my number five tip is play the fool. Okay, stick with me to the end to hear all five of these super effective, helpful tools that add playfulness to discipline.

Okay, number one, say no with a yes. This is one of one that I use often and have used with the kids since they were two all the way up until my kids now who are seven and nine and a half. Saying no with a yes is like this trick where you can take what they're asking you and know that you're going to say a no, but be creative to say it with a yes.

Like when my child, we were driving by a ski hill or a sledding hill here in town in the middle of winter. And it was right when we had had our first snow and she's like, Oh, I really want to go out. And it was five. 30. We were trying to get home to make some dinner. So instead of saying, no, we can't do that.

I said, absolutely. You want to go to the sledding hill? Let's make sure that's on our list for [00:04:00] this weekend. So I still was saying no, cause I didn't say sure. Let's go now. I said, When we could do it. I said no with a yes, uh, dad in one of my workshops in town here once shared with me. He's like, Oh, I love this tool.

I use it all the time. Like my girls will be like, can I have a cookie dad? And I'm like, totally not look at me with these big eyes. Cause it's like eight 30 in the morning. And I'll say we can absolutely have cookies after dinner tonight. I love that. Let's set them right here. So they're ready to be our dessert tonight.

Okay. Creative way to say no with a yes. Or they're like, Dad, can we go out and play? And it's like time for bath. And he's like, you know what? Yes. We absolutely will play that thing tomorrow when you get home from school. Love that idea? Let's do that. So again and again, he said he would get this like wide eyed like, What?

Really? And then follow it with the [00:05:00] playful when it could actually happen. Second way you can involve some playfulness and fun into your discipline. is what I call the clown trick. So like when my kids aren't getting their clothes on or they're not getting their plate off the table, I could launch into them with the discipline of like, you guys, come on, get it together.

Like, why is this stuff still here? I tell you every single morning to get your teeth brushed. Uh, I was just dealing with that one this morning. I'm like, really? You're seven and nine. And still, somehow we're having to review that part of our morning routine is brushing your dang teeth, for goodness sakes.

Ugh, okay. But anyways, that's a side note. That's my issue. The clown trick is to kind of play like a clown. I don't know if you've ever seen a clown. Like, I'm picturing the type of clown that's like at the county fair or like at an outdoor festival. Kind of like a B list clown. They'll do these tricks and there always seems to be some like...

Slapstick [00:06:00] humor where, um, like something's stuck to their butt and they're like playing dumb like, what? I don't see anything. What are you talking about? Or they're trying to put something on that's like clearly going to be too small for them or too big for them and pretending it's all fine and then the kids in the audience all yell out like, you have that stuck to you or that doesn't go there.

Okay, here's what I do in this. And actually, I'm stealing this from my husband because he was always way better at this, especially when our kids were younger. And so I try to borrow his ability to do this and bring it into discipline. So when they're not doing something, I could try to look at how could I kind of play dumb here in that clown kind of way.

So meaning if they haven't gotten their shirt on, I'll be like, Oh, that's all right. I was wanting to wear this shirt today anyways, and start putting it on and clearly it doesn't fit. Oh gosh, I don't know if I'm going to get it over my head. Like I'm sure I can make this work. And then before I know it, my [00:07:00] daughter's like, mom, that's mine.

And in goes her arm, arm, head through the hole and we're set. Or with a sock. I remember this. I have this video that I share in my parent coaching program of me with my daughter, where she just like insisting that I get her socks upstairs for her, even though she was at an age where she could totally do it.

And that I put them on for her. And if you have one of these like needy kids, that's always like, do it for me, please. This can be a playful redirective tool. Like, Oh, you know what? Maybe I'll put these socks on myself. And you're trying to put them on and they don't fit. And then. It's like, no mom, those are mine.

So this is just like the clown trick or I can't even remember where does this plate go again? Did these plates go on our beds? Did the plates go, um, in the car? I forget. Where do the plates go when we're done with dinner? So that's like what I call the clown trick. Where does it go? I can't find my this.

So I think it goes [00:08:00] on my body, that kind of mentality. Trick number three to add playfulness into your discipline is do we want to do it this way or that way? So One of my favorites on this is bath time Instead of saying like you guys get up to bath quit playing around get that put away We got to go to bath and these kids who hate bath time.

I'll say well Hey, do we want to go to bath time right side up or upside down? And just every single night that is the, are we going to do it this way or that way playful way that I shift their brain from resistance into a thought of which way they want to be playful with me. Do you want a piggyback ride or do you want me to hold your hands while we skip to get from the park to the car?

Do you want to clean these toys up while we listen to this favorite song of yours or that favorite song of yours? So we're just looking for a which playful way. Do we want to do this thing? Meanwhile, I'm still saying we got to do [00:09:00] this thing sometimes when kids won't choose a Way to be still playful with that is like, okay I'll choose for you and then I start choosing the song of the two options that I think and then they're like no no No, I want the other one Great.

Who cares? Now they're on board with me. Now they're cleaning up. Playful trick number three, let's get it done with fun. So that can be, you know, let's do it together in a fun way. So sometimes we just see our kids just not wanting to get their homework done or not wanting to clean up their room. And we're like, you just got to do it.

You just got to do it. Well, can we infuse some fun into this process? I knew one mom, Lillia, who used to tell me that her daughter around 11, just hated to clean her room. And when she was left in there would come out and try to talk to people. And then, I mean, literally she could delay all day long because she didn't want to be in her room by herself.

She wanted to be out with all the people. And so I said, well, [00:10:00] this is just a small idea, but would you be able to bring the people into her like? I'm certainly one of those people who hates gleaning with a passion. And I learned this trick bit for ADHD. They call it body doubling. If you can have someone do a task with you that you find monotonous and boring, you're more likely to actually stick with doing the task.

So she said, yeah, you know what, we usually do 20 minutes a day of reading. So maybe I could combine it and like sit and read to her while she cleans her room. Boom, magic happened. Reading was getting done. She was cleaning her room happily and it took about that 20 minutes instead of her putting it off and dragging it out all day.

So let's get it done with fun. Fifth trick, play the fool. Now this is kind of an odd one, might not fit every personality, but it's one that I found useful a couple of times. So if kids, like my daughter's in a mode right now [00:11:00] where she gets like, That's not fair. You know, if something isn't exactly. Equal.

Can anyone relate to me? I bet you can. Cause I talked to moms weekly who are like telling me this problem and I say back to them, I'm suffering that with that too. I hear you. Okay. So what we do in terms of the playing the fool is like I had a moment where my daughter was doing the fairness thing and I was doing my discipline, just like, you know, we're not going to reset this.

It is what it is. And then later, I looked for an opportunity. We were sharing the last pieces of some birthday cake from Grandma. And the pieces didn't come out even. There was like a way smaller piece. And I said, you know, that's okay. You know, serve them up. That's okay. I'll take that one. And then I took my plate to the table next to her and I was like, but you know what?

This isn't fair. Why did I get the small piece? That's [00:12:00] not fair. Like a little bit of jokingness of her tone, but boy, did her eyes sort of get big and you could see. See, it was the soft way that the message was landing and I just paused and I looked at her. I'm like, what do you think? Should I be that upset about this cake?

I mean, I love chocolate cake, you know, it's my favorite. And she just kind of giggled softly and I was like, yeah, you know, this is one of those moments for me to not have to worry about it being so fair. Just like I've been asking you to do that. And that's it. Short, sweet, but her being on the other side gave a really powerful moment for a message.

So friends, those are my five tips on how to add some playfulness into your discipline. So first of all, let's think about that discipline is about teaching. How do I teach that they need to put their shoes away? How do I teach them to handle this differently in a moment where they're being resistant, [00:13:00] emotional, or defiant?

And so these are all playful ways you can redirect the behavior. All right friends, and once again I hope these five key tools for adding playfulness into your discipline can equip you to be parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time so that friend parenting can finally feel sustainable.

See you again next week.