61. How to Overcome Emotional Eating with Meredith Ries, LCPC

Have you ever wondered why stress drives you to the fridge instead of the yoga mat?

Join us for an eye-opening conversation with Meredith Ries, a seasoned therapist and emotional eating coach, as we break down the complex emotions behind why many parents, especially mothers, turn to food for comfort.

We uncover the emotional triggers of these behaviors, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging one's self-worth and needs. This episode is packed with practical strategies to transition from emotional to logical thinking during those taxing parenting moments, helping you prioritize sustainable self-care and healthier stress management techniques.

By the time you finish listening, you'll have:

• Actionable tips to help you manage your relationship with food. 
• Strategies for stress management (without binging), that are realistic.
• Tools to take stress off your plate, even in your busy life as a mom. 

Get my FOOD PREP IDEAS WITH KIDS OF ALL AGES : FREE PDF here

Meredith also provides resources and support for those looking to confront emotional eating, including how to connect with her for further guidance.  Feel free to reach out to her at https://www.meredithriescoaching.com/.

✨Want more?

1) Join the FREE workshop Aug 26-28 to get Flora's "3 Keys to Calm Confident Parenting": https://sustainableparenting.com/workshop/

5) Also -use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Flora.

Transcript

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 0:04

you're listening to episode 61 of the sustainable parenting podcast, where we're diving into emotional eating with me, flora mccormick, licensed therapist and parenting coach, and meredith reese, therapist and emotional eating coach. We are excited today to delve into this topic that I hear a lot about, which is okay. I don't love that when I'm stressed out, I reach for food and I'm eating stuff. That makes me feel worse, but I'm just looking for some way to have a tiny feeling of self-care in this busy, stressful space of life of parenting young kids. Help. What can I do? So today we're diving into what are realistic ways we can take care of ourselves, make healthy food choices and even take some stress off of our plate. No pun intended, maybe pun intended. Let's dive in.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 0:59

Today I want to highlight our listener of the week, who was Zach K, 1986. He says I love my kids, but parenting is the most challenging thing I've ever done. Listening to this podcast has given me great tools on how to set boundaries, have time for myself and understand that the hard parts of parenting that I'm doing now will help my kids thrive as they grow older. Sustainable parenting has become my go-to parenting resource. Zach, please send us a message in Instagram or Facebook and we're so glad that you've been enjoying the podcast.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 1:29

Please reach out to us in Instagram or Facebook so that I can get you access to the how to Stop Whining for Good course and friend, if that's something that you're interested in getting as well. The link will be in our show description for this episode or the show notes. And remember friends, if you get value from today's episode, please share it with a friend and leave a review at the bottom of the main podcast homepage by scrolling to the bottom of all episodes, leaving a comment about why you enjoyed the podcast and you could be featured as our listener of the week, winning a special free course in an upcoming episode. So, with your experience with the emotional eating and being a therapist, what do you find is the root of that and what are possible solutions that are realistic?

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 2:20

Yeah, I have so many parents that are like, oh my gosh, help me, what's going on? I've just totally lost control. My life is overwhelming, my kids are, you know, home, all these things, okay, so it's emotionally driven right. I mean, we were therapists and we kind of know that like thoughts drive emotion, emotion drives behavior. Food has been a coping skill for you. Food is an outlet.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 2:42

Food is also a way like I think about my own parenting and I think like sometimes having something to eat is an excuse to just sit down and like take a minute Right, and so we can use food and all these different ways. But I see it a lot with my clients. It's just, it's this, this emotional release, and it's the ability to like numb or to soothe in some way, to find compassion for yourself, to take a breather. All these things, um, it can be such drivers for going and seeking food and those stressful moments, especially when it comes to like parenting, where we're like juggling jobs and all the things, but then we're supposed to be like super moms on top of that, because all these lives depend on us, right, and just the pressure, pressure and the expectation of that and it becomes too much.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 3:36

And food is this amazing coping skill that we've used that can be quick, easy and food is also reliable. It's always there. We can't always run out the door and take a walk. We can be quick, easy and food is also reliable. It's always there. We can't always run out the door and take a walk, we can't always, you know, call that friend that so many people talk about. Like find another coping skill. Food's really easy. We can grab it. We have it in the car, we have it in our bags, whatever, and we can just eat.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 4:00

And we know it like reliably gives this dopamine, like surge, right, it's the like sugar or the carbs just can feed you. And I know, yeah, my mom was a single mom of three kids and a kindergarten teacher when we were really young. I don't know how she did that, but she would regulate. You know, the only way she could kind of treat herself or have a little self-care was to have a candy bar at lunch or sneak chocolate when we weren't watching. You know, she generally fed us healthy meals, but she, that was her tiny piece of self-care and it's hard if we don't have space for other versions like you said um, so what do you suggest to moms to turn to instead?

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 4:59

That's realistic, but you're also important and I think that's the piece that's really like we forget about that part, like we don't matter, and we kind of can sometimes slip into that sabotage mindset of like who cares? I don't matter, I'm not worth taking care of. These people are worth taking care of. Their needs matter more than mine and we slip into that like whatever, I'm just going to eat whatever. And I think it's a matter of like getting back to and hearing somebody say that, no, you're actually really worth taking care of and you do matter and your needs matter, because if you don't fill your bucket right I mean, we talk about this then you cannot fill the other person's bucket in a sustainable way and you know, at some point you're going to burn out.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 5:50

You're going to be I mean, I have a mom that's like I'm just hiding in the pantry, like trying to get a second eating candy bars, because that's all she knows she can do in these moments where, like, the kids are screaming, it's five o'clock, she just worked all day, she doesn't know what to do and self-care just isn't even an option. In that moment she said like I can't go take a walk. So I think it's a matter of like mindset first, because it's really hard to escape and go on that walk and get in the workout and do all these wonderful things that we hear all over the internet. But like really it comes down to like you matter. You're really important. Your goal is to probably be here for a long period of time and be a really good mom and we don't want you to burn out.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 6:38

I love that. So first thing, like be reminded, remind yourself you matter and and that's a first step. Then what do you think comes next?

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 6:50

Well, and what I've seen, too, is how we view ourself, is how we feed ourself, right? So if we don't think we matter, we're going to eat foods that reflect that. If we think we matter, we're going to eat foods that reflect that. If we think we matter, we're going to eat foods that reflect that. We're going to be eating the foods that we feel good after we eat. And so, really, you know that mindset is really important. So I think about, like how to talk yourself into that mindset. I mean that can be really hard.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 7:19

So many of us believe that like no, I can't matter, I don't have time to matter, right, and I think about like well, let's start really small and let's get out your planner and think about, like where you're going to grab three to five minutes and you're going to do something for you. Right, that could just be simple like breathing. That could be simply like going to the fridge and making a quick salad, I mean whatever works for you, that makes you feel good, committing to one thing a day, that's three to five minutes, and we build from there, because going on a four mile run is overwhelming. We're not going to do it, we're going to avoid and we're going to feel pathetic because we can't do it, and then we're going to be feeding ourself in that mindset under because they're not doing much preparation in advance and I'm not saying that in any shaming way.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 8:26

I also was doing that. We don't always know what we're doing in our lives. That make it harder just because we've got a little bit of tunnel vision of what we've always done. But sometimes if you step back and say, well, of course I'm panicking and making junk food If every day I'm trying to decide at five, 25, what we're eating that night for dinner, and so then it's like, oh my God, I have no idea, and so you grab stuff, or that you don't have any thoughts around lunch, or so I'm. You know. Is that some of what you love to help with people with too? How can we realistically do a little bit of prep the weekend? Throw some stuff in your freezer that's healthier and get a feel nourishing for you? Yeah, absolutely.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 9:07

Uh, there's the meal services. I mean too, like, I mean, you know, if it's something that you can fit into your budget, you know, and it's realistic for you, like you know allowing permission around, like you know what. I'm just going to do that because it's just for this time in my life, it's just for this season, Um, but I think about. I think about too, like, how much effort do you put into making sure the kids have their lunch pack?

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 9:33

The kids have their snacks, the kids have their you know, juice and water bottles full and all these things. Like, do you do any of that for you? I mean, most of us don't, right, we're the ones running around. I think about, like, as I'm going to the office, right, my kids have this lunch ready and here I am, like stuffing stuff in. I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I take? And so I think it's a matter of like going back to like you matter and what are you going to have ready for you?

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 10:01

Not just like the family meal prep, but also like for you, and I think about like go to Costco by yourself right, take the kids at home. If you can do this for like one once a week or once a month and go in there and have a mindset of like what do I want, what can I pack, what can I keep? That's dangerous. Those are dangerous trips. What can?

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 10:19

I pack. What can I keep? That's dangerous, those are dangerous trips. Then I come home with a kayak, all kinds of things.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 10:27

But no, I know what you mean. Do in-street cars, yes.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 10:30

No, but I know what you mean and it's so funny. As you're saying this, Meredith, I'm like I literally am alongside my daughter packing her lunch every morning and I have never thought once in her eight years of life 10 years of my older kid to maybe use that time to also do some meal prep for myself for that day, so that I have something I'm looking forward to eating at lunch that is not going to be again just grabbing a handful of chips or something. Um, so that's so true? Um, so decide that we matter. Eating choices will then come differently when we know that we matter, maybe setting aside some time just as much as we would for our kids. And often, I'm sure in your work it's the same with me, with parenting, I think we we often overestimate how much time a solution will cost us versus how much time it gives us back.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 11:24

Right Like if I don't have time for a meal prep. Are you kidding? I'm already drowning but you're like, but why don't we try it just one week and let's notice if actually 30 minutes to an hour and a half spent on that gave you back. Like the morning felt so different that all I had to do was grab a handful of the carrots I had already peeled on Sunday night, peeled and cut up, you know, or whatever the thing may be.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 11:51

I know, cause we can't escape it right. Like we're going to, we're going to have the time taken from us at some point, whether it be like scrounging for something, super stressed out, and then we're in our emotional brain trying to survive the day, or we're peeling carrots on Sunday night, annoyed that we have to do all this meal prep, like we don't get to escape. Yeah, we don't get to escape it Right.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 12:17

It reminds me of the phrase I'd say a lot to clients like learn how to suffer with a purpose, so you're not suffering in circles. Love it, that's absolutely true. Either way, it's a little annoying Like I love that. You said that it's annoying to cut the carrots. You're like this isn't what I want to do spending my time right now, but would I rather suffer in that way with a purpose than the way I feel like I suffer in circles every single afternoon trying to decide what the heck do we do?

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 12:45

Exactly. I love it. That's right, cause there's no way out Like we're going to do it. How do we want to do it and how do we feel more in control when we do it?

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 12:54

Yes, well, and so I'm so curious I'd love to ask what do you think about like the? Often the thing that parents ask me and I'm guessing they do for you too is, like I know what I need to do differently. That little key moment Not little, I mean, it's big, but how do you do that? One thing I'm curious if you use like for me I talk about having an actual recipe with kids. That's like a whoa, low and slow. How do I take that annoying resistance, emotion or defiance and start with okay, whoa, count to seven, yeah, and then know that I'm going to name the feeling or I'm going to take a pause to hug them because I want to strangle them. But maybe if I take a hug first I'm going to get my own, like serotonin firing and there's two, some calming, before I then choose. I'm more likely to choose an effective strategy than be reactive. What are your go-to pieces for that?

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 14:13

I think you're right on. I mean, there's just so many similarities here, right, because we're in our emotional moment and it's really hard to get to the logical part of ourselves and make logical decisions when we're being overwhelmed by the tsunami of emotions. And so, like you're saying, the parenting piece is very similar to what I teach my clients and that we got to get space between the emotional explosion that's happening and the action that you're choosing. Right, we have to create space. That's key, and it's really hard to do that. And so many of my clients are like, well, I'm not going to like go watch a sunset. Or like, bust out my journal, right, and because we hear this and it's like, yeah, no, I'm not going to do that either, right, like when I'm in the explosive moment, I have to be fast, I have to be quick and, like you're saying, the pause is key if we can get there. And how to create space.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 15:08

And I tell my clients, like the counting is really, really important. Also, start with counting to three. Count to five next time. Count to five next time. Count to eight next time count to 10.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 15:19

next time For that bag of chips or the candy bar, just try to count to three first.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 15:25

I say like count, because, again, counting can also connect us with the logical part of ourself, right, because it's numerical. We're like we have to think about it, like we're going over here and we're functioning in the logic, versus like being in the emotional spiral. I think about counting.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 15:41

I tell my clients, like jump up and down, clap really loud in front of your face, right, because there's sensations in our hands. There's sensations when there's loud noise in front of us and it can almost snap us into logic. Because what we have to do is we have to get from emotion to logic. Logic is where we will make better decisions, right, and I think it's like with parenting too. Like if we can just get to that moment where we can connect with logical part of ourselves, we're going to make better decisions, right, but it's like a matter of getting there. And if it's available, I tell clients go to the sink and splash cold water on your face, because that will help wake you up, that logical part of you will reawake and you'll make different decisions. So, really, just quick things, like you're kind of saying, to create space between the emotion and the action.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 16:33

Yes, I love that and it also makes me think like ways that we can give ourself emotional vitamins through the day also, because if we're push, push, pushing ourselves running at like an eight and then hoping we're going to somehow be really rational when we flow over into 10 plus um, that's not setting ourselves up to be as successful. As you know, one of the tools I like to suggest to parents who are noticing they're being more impulsive than they want to with yelling or throwing out consequences they're not going to follow through would be to take two to three slow breaths every time you go to the bathroom. Two to three slow breaths every time you go to the bathroom. As small as that is like tie it to something else that you are gonna for sure do at some point in the day, and that during that sitting could you take two to three really restorative breaths.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 17:27

And, man, when I do it, I often notice my shoulders come down. I didn't realize they were half hunched up, but once you take a breath and then relax your shoulders down, you you feel that space, that like oh wow, being away from my ears suddenly feels very different than where I was holding my body before. Clearly, I was half tensed up already. So looking for those ways to dabble what I would call an emotional vitamin or give hugs to your partner or your kids through the day that gives them that ability, that that little bit of nourishing sense to, so they're not running closer to a seven or eight but pulls them down to a four or five.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 18:10

Yeah, and those are small. Right, they don't have to be big, just small things.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 18:20

Yeah, are there any other things that you like to suggest to clients in that way of what can we do through the day? Also, to pull it down a bit, Well, I think about, like.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 18:27

I think about too. It goes back to, like the preparation right, like we make sure the backpack is packed, they have their cleats, they have their soccer gear, they have this, they have that. Have you looked at your calendar and have you been really honest with what your day looks like? A lot of times we prepare them, but we shoot out the door and we're at an eight, like you're saying, and we just operate at an eight, sometimes shoot to a 10 the entire day, fight flight mode the entire day and it's like, just for a second maybe, brainstorm, look at your calendar and say, okay, what's ahead of me tomorrow? What am I going to do?

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 19:04

It's not just about food prep, but also, like can I, you know, go to the bathroom during between this client and can I take these breaths, right, like between this client? I have five minutes. I'm going to go step outside. Just the other day, like I had this tiny window and it was sunny outside and I'm like you know what, I'm going to go outside and breathe for three seconds and I felt so much better coming into my session, which then, I know, carried into the rest of my day. So, I think, just really grabbing those small opportunities and making a plan and giving yourself permission. Right, like I didn't have to step outside, I could have said like no, I don't have time for that. But like I had to do it and like from your point of view, like when is it okay to hand off the kids making their own lunches? So then it frees up us so we can actually make our lunches and take care of ourselves.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 19:59

Yes, this is such a huge thing that is so important to talk about.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 20:03

You know, alfred Adler, who has the foundational principles of a lot of the best theories that have been built for parenting advice, um said you know, don't do anything for a child that he can do for himself.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 20:16

It builds their confidence, and confidence is built through competence when they know I can do something for myself. And so not only does it free us up to have more of the child doing things for themselves, but it helps build their confidence. So, as soon as you can, I remember when my kids were two was when we began starting to have little tiny like milk bottle that had a lid and was small enough for their hands, and we had a little container with a pop top that the cereal went in so that he could start making his own breakfast, pouring it, and the confidence you saw in him. And then the relief for me was huge. I remember the first time my husband was gone hunting and I slept in because the kids. I woke up to the sound of spoons clinking against the bowl and the kids were like four and six and making their own breakfast because they could handle those pieces, and it was so good to be like oh my gosh, good job, you guys got the materials you need.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 21:23

It wasn't him coming in them, coming in saying, mom, can you do this? So back to how do we help fill our own cup? Definitely, look and look early. Our kids are usually capable of more than we give them credit for.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 21:36

Yeah, I think Gil gets in the way right Like feel like guilty that we're not doing everything for them, but then we're not, you know, making our lunch.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 21:45

Yes, and so I would say literally the minimum for making lunches, I think, is around four to six that they could be making their lunch all on their own, of course there's a scaffolding factor there where you're not going to just immediately say, now go figure it out, but you're first going to be very involved in coaching them along the process and pre-cutting the carrots.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 22:06

But building up to six, they should be able to use an apple cutter to cut their own apple and use a potato peeler and a child safe knife to cut carrots or other things and pack from the options that you make available to them, so certainly that young kids can start doing that. And then definitely between nine and 10 is suggested that kids start helping to make dinner maybe one meal a week.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 22:32

We're just starting this with our 10 year old where he is building the skills to be able to put together one meal every now and then that is for for the family, for dinner.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 22:44

So I love that. I think I think it means a lot coming from you, because just hearing you say that like instantly helps me feel like I have permission now to hand stuff to my kids, whereas before I think I felt like a lot of guilt and I wasn't being a good mom. And I think a lot of people can carry that if they don't.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 23:02

Amazing, and this is such a westernized version that to be a good mom means to do everything.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 23:09

Right, yes.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 23:11

And really this is why we're having children in the college years and beyond that are struggling, because that's not. That may seem kind but it's not really serving them in the big picture of building their independence, their competence, their problem solving abilities, their grit and tenacity and resourcefulness and all the other great words that we know we want for them um, in the future. I love it, thanks for sharing that.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 23:44

Yes, okay, I love this conversation so much. Um, meredith, tell us how people can get in touch with you if they are wanting to dive deeper into support and strategies for emotional eating.

Meredith Reese, LCPC: 23:57

Well, I'm all over Instagram. That's where I hang out at Meredith Reese coaching and Reese's R I E S not like the Reese's pieces that everyone thinks my name is spelled and then my website is just Meredith Reese coachingcom.

Flora McCormick, LCPC: 24:13

So wonderful. I'll make sure to share that in the show notes of this episode, and I'm so glad we got to talk about this. Thanks, flora.