24. 5 Rude Awakenings I Didn't Expect, Becoming a Parent

This week I’m sharing ✨“5 RUDE awakenings I didn’t expect, becoming a mom.”✨

And giiiiiirl, this is getting Per-son-AL. *Like I have never shared before… because I want to shed light on the challenges of early motherhood. 

I hope these challenging moments help you feel more seen and less alone on this journey. 

If this connects with you, reach out and share with me.  I'd love to hear from you.

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Transcript

Flora McCormick: [00:00:00] You're listening to episode 24 of the sustainable parenting podcast. And today I'm sharing five rude awakenings. I didn't expect in becoming a mom. This is going to be the most vulnerable show I've ever offered. This is me sharing a lot of very personal details, and I want to do so with two main purposes.

Friend, it is my constant goal to help other mothers to know that if you are struggling, and you have thoughts about wondering if you are meant to be a mom, Or you are disappointed in parts of parenting, or you've lost parts of your personal identity. I want you to know you are not alone. And so I'm going to share some of the details of what that looked like for me.

And secondly, it is always my intention to give you hope. [00:01:00] And to know that you have resources, you have people out there that want to support you. Me being just one of them. So friend here is a bit of my story.

INTRO: Hello and welcome to the sustainable parenting podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline. That's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time. And give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective. And for that reason, finally feel sustainable. Welcome. 

As a licensed therapist, I had worked with kids for 10 years when I got pregnant. I honestly was excited about [00:02:00] every part of becoming a mom, even labor. I remember looking down at my pregnant belly and saying, we're going to be the best Caleb. Let's even try to do this the hard way. I think I wanted to do it the hard way to kind of prove to myself I was strong enough to be a mom.

I mean, I'm the youngest in a family of three raised by a single mom. I felt I had a legacy of strong women to live up to. And my motto as a youngest child had always been, I got this, I can do it myself. So that's what I did. I labored through the first 10 hours of contractions in the night without bothering my husband while he slept, and then endured eight more hours before giving birth to our sweet Caleb without a single pain medication.

I refused it. It was a powerful [00:03:00] experience, absolutely. And I remember coming home, bringing him home six days before Christmas, just on top of the world, thinking honestly, like, if I could do that, I'm sure whatever comes next can't be that hard. Oh boy, Flora, was I in for a few rude awakenings. Rude awakening number one, the literal rude awakenings, right?

I mean, after just a few nights of the cries and the feedings, I completely understood why sleep deprivation is used as a torture strategy. I mean, I was so tired yet determined to look like I had it all together. I didn't even notice the curling iron as it was burning my face in that fog of exhaustion.

On Christmas Eve. We sat with my in laws on the couch in front of the tree, facetiming family, [00:04:00] and I realized silent tears were streaming down my face as fast as I could wipe them away. The sleep deprivation felt like I was 20 miles into a marathon that was a thousand miles long. Boy, rude farts.

That's right, friend. I mean, I knew that childbirth could mess with your downtown parts, but to mess with the muscles that control your farts? Are you kidding me? It was like literally a percussion section was following me around. You'd hear.

Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? Then brood awakening number three, I was completely lost in trying to care for this new precious human. And it ate at my self esteem. I mean, someone had told me once, Oh, [00:05:00] as a mom, you'll just know things like the difference between a tired cry or a hungry cry. Well, I must've missed the memo on that.

Because he just cried and cried and I struggled. I opened up the wrap for my baby shower that was promised to solve all my problems, only to discover Caleb would only be soothed if he was in there like all sideways and wrong. And then I started to ask myself, What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us?

That I can't seem to even be successful at a mothering strategy that's been used for centuries of mothers. Rude awakening number four. I was not prepared for the toll that it took on my marriage and on my professional identity. I mean, I honestly thought that I would love quitting my job to be a stay at home mom [00:06:00] and that our marriage would be kind of just that much more of a power couple as parents.

Well, with me and Gabe, we went from two playful, adventurous, enamored, and silly people to two people pointing fingers at each other over things as small as who forgot to pack the baby stroller and as big as... Why do I have to do everything and professionally, if I'm honest, my accomplishments had always given me a way to tell myself I was good enough, I could point to a plaque or a title and say, see, that means I matter.

I really worked hard for those gold stars too. I mean, I had worked for our four years to get my, my master's degree, two years to get my license and one year into private practice. I was even named the Bozeman business and professional women's. young careerist. Ha, how ironic [00:07:00] when I gave it all up 15 months later for days of sitting in the dirt and learning every tractor name.

Turns out there are no awards being given out for that. And the monotony of motherhood in that first year was a kind of cruel groundhog's day where I had been cast as the never ending wiper. Of butts, of noses, of counters, like maybe with the same rag, who knows? It was degrading, belittling. I asked myself, is this what I got my master's degree for?

And on top of all those struggles, I felt so guilty. When those big brown eyes looked up at me, I felt bad that I was disappointed. But I was. I [00:08:00] was so disappointed in how my marriage and my sense of self had changed and in how I was completely not turning out to be the super mom I expected I would be.

Then came a knock at the door. It was Kaylee. We had met in the neighborhood because our boys were two months apart and I said, I can't come. Caleb's crying and she said, you have two choices. You can stay in here and be alone while he cries or you can come with me and we'll be together. And we'll get some fresh air while he cries and I could use the walk too.

It was everything I needed. No judgment, just two moms being [00:09:00] there for each other.

Rude awakening number five. It was time to let go of that youngest child mantra. I didn't need to do it all by myself. There was nothing to be gained in trying to prove anything to anyone. And so much more to gain in embracing a new mantra. Let's do it with help. And just be your authentic, imperfect self.

When I really stepped into that new focus, it was like a thousand pounds were lifted off my shoulders. And the gateway to true happiness opened up for me and many friends have helped me along the way being their [00:10:00] supportive selves and sharing their authentic selves. I wish I could show you a picture of every single one of them to honor them here.

But the truth is I found that you cannot be your best self without community and support. And I noticed something else. The most special. Precious people in my life were needing more space to be loved as their authentic selves too. The more I stopped trying to prove things to others, the less I expected my husband, and especially my kids, to be perfect.

And the more joy I've seen grow in my life as a mom.