19. The Quick Fix for School Drop-Off Anxiety

Whether it's pre-school or Elementary school, drop-offs can sometimes feel overwhelming or upsetting.   If you have felt very frustrated with the anxiety, you are not alone. 

This model gives you a way to be patient, supportive, and provide a safe space for them to work THROUGH their feelings of anxiety.

For our anxious kiddos, these 3 EASY steps will work you through those school butterflies.

💫 Remember, it's okay for kids to feel nervous—it's a natural part of growing up.

These tools can help you easily navigate these waters and build your child's confidence, one drop-off at a time.

✨By the time you finish listening, you will  learn: 

• What to do at before, during, and after tough drop-offs.
• How to manage their separation anxiety.
• What sensory tools can prepare your child, to make the transitions smoother.

Here's the BOOK I mentioned in the episode: The Kissing Hand

✨Want more?

1) Use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting.

2) Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen.

3) Buy a 3 session Coaching Bundle (saving you $100) - for THREE 30-min sessions 1:1 with ME, where we get right to the heart of your challenges, and give you small, powerful shifts that make a huge difference fast.

Transcript

You're listening to episode 19 of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast with Flora McCormick, ending school drop off meltdowns. Today, we are going to face those moments where you either have a child come out of their bedroom and say, I don't want to go to school today. I'm not going, or everything seems fine.

And you get to the edge of the curb, and then the meltdown begins, or perhaps it's when you've just walked through the doors into preschool. If you've had any of these meltdown challenges about resistance to drop off, today's the episode for you. Let's dive in. Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast.

Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing. To parent with kindness and at the same time. and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective. And for that reason, [00:01:00] finally feel sustainable.

Welcome.

Today's listener of the week is Abby Rock, who said sustainable parenting gives solutions that are doable and repeatable and can be customized to your busy life and individual style. It's a fun and easy listen with tips that actually work. Thanks so much, Abby. And we appreciate you giving that feedback.

Friend, as you listen today, if you find value, please do us a big favor and scroll to the bottom of the episodes where you'll see an opportunity to leave a review. This means so much to the success of the podcast and makes it so others are more likely to hear and learn from us and have their lives get easier too.

Now let's dive into today's topic. [00:02:00] Oh my goodness. I can almost feel my. forehead start to sweat and my heart start to pound as I picture the moments where my kids have shared resistance about going to school. Because why it normally happens in the morning when you have very limited time, you're are pressed to maybe get to a meeting of your own or you have other plans or you're trying to get home in time for the baby to take a nap.

There's like all of these factors. And in the midst of it, you have a child then Out of the blue or for the 17th time in a row, either way, it's frustrating when they say, I'm not going to school. I don't want to go. You can't make me or they just start melting into a puddle. I've been there. It's so frustrating.

And I first just want to like embrace you with this hug of validation, because as you're coming here to get advice, I want you to also know that, that it is always my [00:03:00] intention to first help you feel validated that you're not the only one in this struggle. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

It doesn't mean that your child or you are somehow failing at this task. It's just a normal developmental thing that sometimes children have resistance to doing something. I mean, heck, don't we also? I mean, on a Monday morning, especially, or for me, Wednesday is actually my least favorite day. Uh, just a personal side note.

It's like too far from the weekend on either side. And it's hard for me to go to work on Wednesdays. So whatever day is hard for you, think about that. It's hard for our kids too. Some days, just for no reason at all, they can just get in a funk. So if you've been feeling like, uh, it just comes out of nowhere.

Of course. Cause that's how we work. As humans. So let me give you just a few key tools though that I do think can help you move through these moments with some growth [00:04:00] and progress where it won't be hindering your life as much. And you can hopefully start having more ease in drop offs. We're going to do three key things to have a different experience when there's this resistance or meltdown going on around drop off.

First, as always, we're going to make a plan ahead of time outside of the moment. Second, we're going to move the opposite way first and third, we're going to follow through with confidence. Let's dive in making a plan in advance outside of the moment is really, really important. We're operating off of the principle that if you can predict it, let's make a plan for it.

Let's not just make a plan for the best, like, Hey, we're going to school. It's going to be fun. Your friends are there. And then the meltdowns happening and we're like, Oh shoot. I thought I could ward it off by just being positive instead. It's. Often more effective to [00:05:00] lean into the possibility of it going south and have a plan that you've agreed with your child about.

Let me explain. So for instance, if you've been having a hard time at drop off, outside of the moment, say, Honey, boy, I've been noticing that you're having a hard time when we have drop off. I want you to know that We are going to do X, Y, Z to make drop off, go better. Let's make a plan together of what could make that go better.

A couple of key factors that a lot of parents will do is like, Hey, we're going to do this new thing where I'm going to kiss you on the hand and you have that love of mine with you. Every day, all day long, anytime you need a kiss from me, you just put your palm of your hand up to your heart or your cheek and there's mom's or dad's kiss right there with you.

That comes from a really adorable book called The Kissing Hand, which tells the story of raccoons doing that. So that's a book you could consider purchasing and I'll have a link in our show notes for that. Another idea of how to make a plan in [00:06:00] advance could be for older kids. Let's make a goodbye.

secret handshake. We're going to do fist pound, high five, little rump bump or something like that, whatever it is. Let's come up with these couple steps. That's going to be our regular goodbye, blow them a kiss and walk away. Many studies show that that routine helps to have that transition go better. So the kiss on the hand or the secret handshake, making a plan that that's what we're going to do when it's time to say goodbye.

Also, you can do some planning in advance around what things could help ease the child's anxiety about the separation. So when my son was a kindergartener, he was very slow to warm up to new things and, and. I knew he also had this really special connection to his blankie that he would self soothe by rubbing the edge that had these silky ribbon edges of the blankie.

Well, I couldn't send the whole blankie with him to school, but I was wondering what could I send with [00:07:00] him that could give some sense of comfort? And so we felt around in some old, like, bags I had of ribbon that I use for Christmas presents and various things, and I found a ribbon that found pretty, felt pretty similar to his blankie.

And we cut off a little section of it and we started sending it with him to school every day so we could just have it in his pocket and know that he could reach in there and have that soothing feeling even while at school. Other kids tune in more to sensory of smell. And so you could also put on a little piece of fabric, some lavender or peppermint.

Those are both really nice calming agents. If you're experiencing some anxiety or stress. Um, I've done that all the way up until to using it with teenagers who are having anxiety at school. So that sensory piece of having them pull it out of their pocket and smell it, if they're feeling anxious, can kind of snap them out of that nervous system response [00:08:00] and put them from the sympathetic into parasympathetic system, firing parts of their brain that will calm them.

So let's make a plan in advance of any way we can make this more soothing in the transition. Thank you. Second thing, then, is we're going to go the opposite way first. If we notice that the child is having some anxiety in the morning and we want to be like, Uh, it's going to be fine, come on, let's just go, solve the problem, make it better, fix it, point to the positive, I want you instead to go the opposite direction, which is to pause.

And to lean into listening to their feelings for a few moments, whatever you have, if you're like, I can't do that, only have a minute to get out the door, I promise you spending 20 seconds validating or giving a silent hug. Out of that one minute is going to likely be more effective than pulling, pulling, pulling in that one minute.

Come on, let's just go. We just have to go. Come on. It's not a time to be upset about this. [00:09:00] Lean into it with whatever amount of time you have. If you've got 20 seconds, do that. If you maybe can fit in three minutes of the 10 minutes you're trying to get to school, do that. I have done this time and again with my kids in resistant moments, pause, kind of catch myself and go, okay, Flora, stop pulling towards, like, let's just get out the door.

We have to go and just sit down on the ground for a second, pull your daughter onto your lap and just. Hold her and say the words that validate what you think she's feeling. Less is more, doesn't have to be elaborate, just something like you seem feeling word. Boy, you seem sad about going to school today.

Talk slowly, involve physical contact in whatever way feels comfortable with you, a hand on the shoulder or pulling them in for a hug. And just [00:10:00] pause with them to be present if they say, Yes, I don't want to go because Jason's not going to be there today. The easy validation way to respond is just say what they just said.

Oh, you don't want to go because Jason's not going to be there. And pause. Leave space for that to sink in like you've just watered a plant and you're waiting for that water to drip down. Take a breath with them and then move on to Alright, honey, it's time to go. So you're gonna make that plan in advance, go the opposite way first of leaning into the feeling, and then third is to follow through.

When you then get to the edge of the curb or you're in the space of the preschool, do your secret handshake, do your hand kiss, and then leave with confidence. I have been an early childhood mental health consultant to many preschools [00:11:00] and they have told me this time and again that they wish when the kids are melting down that instead of parents lingering and giving one more hug and one more this and one more that that they would have a plan say the goodbye and leave with confidence.

Because often the kids recover very quickly and often it just makes it harder if you linger longer. Okay, friend, and I've had to do this all the way up until my kids were in second grade, had times where my son was clinging to me on the edge of the curb, and I don't want to go today. And I did the hug, I did the validating.

And then I ended with that confidence. With older kids, we use a lot the I love you and the answer is no framework. Which in this moment would be, honey, I love you and it's time for me to go and I walk away with confidence. Sometimes that means walking him over and putting his hand [00:12:00] into the hand of a staff member so that I know he's able to walk into the school.

But these three steps, I promise, should help you to be able to have meltdowns at drop off. If they are not helping you, there may be more factors going on in the story and let's talk. I offer a free clarity call where you can schedule a time with me or my team to learn more about how sustainable parenting is helpful and what our plan could be to help you with the struggles you're uniquely facing.

Great to see you again this week, friend. And friend, make this week your opportunity to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time so that being a mom or dad can finally feel sustainable. See you again soon.